Someone Like You
by aslycsi1315
Summary: For weeks, Prentiss has struggled with her secret feelings for Hotch, who's currently with Beth. When her feelings are revealed, the repercussions causes problems between every team member that may push Prentiss to her limit.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Everything is written through Emily Prentiss' voice.**

"_Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured."- Anonymous_

**Friday, December 2, 2011- FBI Graduates Ball, Washington D.C**

It's Friday night and something bad's about to happen.

It isn't the usual bad- _explosions, kidnapping, serial killers, ect_.- it's more of the personal life problems that are about to come out and slap you hard in the face. In my case, this bad thing happens in the reveal of a major secret of mine during an argument I have with the young genius on my team. The argument is about Ray Bradbury, who Spencer passionately reads as of late. I'm arguing as a devil's advocate. It isn't the best idea since the argument gets out of control- I'm a little over aggressive with my anger over all the crap that's happened to me within the last week.

The crap that I do not want to think about right now.

The argument takes place during the ball that celebrates the Academy's recent graduates. Myself, the rest of the team- JJ, Derek, Penelope, Dave, Aaron, Spencer- and JJ's husband, Will, and Aaron's girlfriend, Beth, are in attendance. I'm not sure why Spencer and I are so deep into such a silly argument. It's probably because of my frustration and both of us being exhausted with our previous case.

"Fahrenheit 451 is a classic!" Spencer argues loudly.

"That's crap and you know it!" I yell back, nowhere near ready to back down.

Spencer glares at me, his tight grip on his champagne glass nearly shattering into pieces. I send the kid a challenging look that seems to say, _Come on, hit me with your best shot._

Spencer's response is an uncalled for, unneeded surprise as he yells, "At least I'm not in love with Hotch!"

His words hit me like a bullet. I'm not sure what's worse- the fact that he profiled my biggest secret or that it's being yelled out at a FBI ball where there are hundreds of people that I work with. The gasps that echo through the room after make it feel like he had accused me of murder.

With his girlfriend by his side, my superior hesitates before calling out, "Prentiss?"

He calls me Prentiss….that's not something you call someone who just admitted feeling for you.

I move around the table, keeping my eyes on Spencer. His eyes have now switched from anger to guilt. "Emily, I am so sorry," he states. I look away and whisper, "Why would you-why would….I have to go."

I nearly back up into a stunned waiter before I turn and sprint towards the entrance door. Because of my luck, the hem of my dress catches on someone's bag, causing it to tear a little. Ignoring the rise in more gasps, I sprint even faster to the ballroom door. I don't have the bravery to look back; I know that there isn't anything good to look back to.

**Saturday, December 3, 2011- Prentiss' home, Washington D.C**

As expected, Jennifer and Penelope show up at my front door the next morning.

Penny runs up to me when I open the front door and wraps her arms around my neck, squealing, "Oh, Em! I'm so sorry about what happened!"

JJ shrugs her shoulders at my confused expression. "She figured it out when Reid called to ask if you were ok. Which reminds me- Are you ok?"

The true answer is simple- no.

The moment I ran out of the Graduate's ball, I had run straight home and cried for hours. I had felt like a poor, pathetic school girl who had just been turned down from the prom. After midnight, I had spent the rest of the night fighting every urge to run over to Aaron's and beg for him to forget I had ever said that.

Unfortunately, the truth is out there and I can't hide from it.

I'm deeply, madly in love with Aaron Hotchner.

Now every time I see Aaron with Beth, I have felt like vomiting at the sight of them together. Sixteen weeks have passed since they started dating and I still want the man to myself where no one and I mean no one can touch us. I just want to-

"Em? Are you ok?" JJ repeats, this time with a more serious, worried tone.

Oh right. The answer.

With guilt running through my veins, I lie, "I'm ok, you guys, you didn't have to come over."

"Yes, we did!" Penelope pushes past me and enters the apartment with snooping eyes. She finally finds what she had wanted to find- crumpled tissues, a quilt, and an half empty ice cream cup on my couch.

"See? Oh, sweetie. Come sit." Penny is already on the couch with her coat off and her arms open wide. I have no choice but to trudge over and plop down next to my overly empathetic friend. I don't mind her emotions- I usually welcome it, but today is a day of misery.

"How long have you known about your feelings for Hotch?" JJ asks as she sits next to me. My hand begins to shake as I process the question. How long have I known that I love Aaron? It's not easily answered like seen in the movies; it's not something that's just appeared- it has just always been.

"I don't know…" I stammer, "I just do. Jay, what am I supposed to do? He has Beth."

"We will figure that out in the morning," she tells me. JJ pulls her knees to her chest and gives me a comforting smile. "Let's just relax and get you ready for Monday."

"Right….." I quickly switch into witty humor because that's what I know what to do during trouble, "Can I have the day off? Scratch that- can I have my own shield so I don't have to cross paths with Hotch?"

"Sorry, love. We wish we could," Penelope tells me with a sigh, "We really wish we could."

**Monday, December 5, 2011- BAU Bullpen- Hotch's Office**

My work day has been pleasant until the afternoon, when Aaron calls me into his office. Besides constantly reassuring Spencer that I'm not holding anything against him and Derek's overprotective glances that he continuously sends my way, my morning is quiet and calm.

Dave is playing the quiet observer from afar and has stayed out of my way. Because of my nerves around Aaron, it takes me all morning to realize that, besides Spencer, no one has talked about what happened on Friday.

At first, I take this as a good thing before I realize that it's not. It's not even close.

No one at work is talking about it because that's all saved up for the grand finale when Aaron calls me into his office for a private chat. When I enter, I realize that he's in boss mode, which makes sense since he hasn't said a word to me all morning.

"With what Reid had said on Saturday," Aaron begins to say after I close the door and sit. I put up a hand and stop him mid-sentence, "I'm fine, Aaron."

"I need to know if this will have an effect on how the team functions."

I'm insulted- How the team functions? His biggest concern should be about us, not the team.

"Aaron, what's done is done and…it won't' have any effect on my work." My eyes travel over to the small photo of Beth, Aaron, and Jack.

"Emily?" I don't notice that I have been staring at the photo for more than a few seconds until Aaron called my name. He places the files in his hand on the desk and takes a step towards me. My body tenses which he catches.

"Is there anything else?" I ask.

"No." He hesitantly steps back behind his desk at the sight of my discomfort. "That is all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Monday, December 12, 2011- 1000 miles from Quantico, Virginia**

A week passes without him saying a word to me.

For a man that was so focused on the team's function, it baffles me that he feels silence is the best way to deal with me on anything, work related or not. There are no, "good morning," or "good nights," – there aren't even conversations about the case, directly to my face. I know that he hasn't completely shut me out- I have caught him watching me from afar at least twice a day. The profiler in me says that he's either not dealing with this emotionally at all. It could be for an array of reasons.

The week passes with changes in Dave, Spencer, and Derek's behavior towards me as well. Dave and Spencer are avoidant of me and Derek, like Aaron, watches me carefully from afar. This "use kid gloves around Emily " method is also expanding outside of the team. My mother has somehow found out about what has happened between Aaron and me and is in great fashion, blaming me. The other agents in the bullpen also give me pity looks for being the girl that fell in love with her already taken boss.

All I know is that it's getting harder to handle to handle this problem with Aaron along with the major crap that's going on outside of my work life.

Some seriously major crap that I don't want to talk about at the moment.

Today, the team and I are on the jet returning from North Bend, Oregon for a serial child kidnapper case. My mind seems to freeze up every time I think back to those poor children. I shouldn't feel like this since I've dealt with serial kidnappers many, many times. It's not often that my personal life affects my job performance, but…life's a little rough right now.

"Em?" JJ is sitting next to me on the plane, where she gives me a gentle nudge. "Look at Hotch. He's too calm about this."

"About what?"

"You two! I can't believe he hasn't said a word to you all week! He has to the end of the day or I'm going to kill him."

I glance over to the Unit Chief, who is sitting on the opposite side of the cabin. Aaron is deep in conversation with Rossi over in the corner where they usually have their usual "post case pow-wows."

"I can't say anything," I whisper back to JJ.

She gives me another nudge in Aaron's direction. "Oh yes you can! He cannot think that silence is the best way to go- you two need to sit down and have a serious chat!"

My response comes out a little harsher and loud than I intended. "In case you haven't noticed, Jennifer, it's a little hard to walk up to Aaron right now! It's like I don't even exi-"

My mind freezes over the realization that everyone, including Aaron, has just heard me.

Jennifer slowly sits up from her laissez faire position on the couch next to me. My eyes are stuck on Aaron, who's looking at me in pure confusion. Spence and Derek are looking back and forth between us as if they were watching a tennis match.

"Prentiss, a word?" I hear from Aaron.

Those cursed words!

I nod and reluctantly follow Aaron to the back of the cabin, where the bathroom and dining area is. His back is turned to me as we walk, leaving me clueless on his emotions. When he finally turns around, Aaron is in once again in Unit Chief mode.

"I thought you said that we were ok," Aaron states. It reminds me of a child singing _But you said….._

"I know…it's just, um, you haven't talked to me at all week."

"Yeah. I was just trying to give you space-"

"I don't need space. I just need time."

"I can understand that, but my first priority is-"

"The job. I know, Hotch." It's the first time in a while that I've actively called him by that name. He tries to respond back, but I hold up a hand. I'm so angry and I want to snap back and remind him that I'm feeling like hell not just because of him, but because everything else that's going on.

I never get the chance to as his phone rings.

"Answer it. It's probably Beth," I tell him before walking away and angrily returning to my seat. Jay knows exactly what to do and allows me space to curl up to my book to drift away from this hell. Jay plays protective sister and sends glares to everyone on the plane as a warning to leave me alone.

And it works.

For the time being.

**January 2, 2012- West Clover Cliffs, Washington**

A month has gone by without incident between Aaron and me.

However, that same month has gone by with everything else in my life going to hell. It's also the second of January and my gut is telling me that like on the third of December where Spencer spilled my secret, something bad once again is about to happen.

The first warning sign is Aaron.

It's more of his overfriendliness that's the problem.

The no hug, barely smile, and laugh very little man is smiling, chatty, and very friendly. According to Penny, it's the Aaron that they had all known before I joined the team. Although his behavior towards me is still somewhat avoidant, Aaron is in bright mood towards everyone else. To the guys, they see as normal, but to the girls, especially me, something isn't right.

The second warning sign is the news I receive this morning.

Two months before Spencer blurted my secret, I had found out that one of my closest friends had gone missing in Iraq. Because of the little girl inside me that didn't want to jinx any chance of rescue, I only told JJ and Penny about it. From then on, I had been worrying about my friend's safety until today.

Today, I wake up to the news that the friend, Daniel Hardwick was found dead.

The third warning sign is my physical health.

Two weeks before December 3rd, I had contracted a severe case of bronchitis. It had been so bad that I nearly collapsed on a case in Montana. Everyone had known that I was ill, but by the end of the first day on the case, Aaron had given Derek temporary control of the team and flown me home. Aaron took care of me for a week- that kindness is the one thing that's keeping me from believing a worry that Aaron truly hates me.

Now, six weeks after I had recovered, my body is beginning to ache again- a hint that I'm either catching pneumonia or bronchitis. It's not something a person in mental health state needs right now.

The fourth warning sign is the Police Chief on this case.

He is an unusually chatty man- thin with eyes that sparkle every time he sees you, whether you are a stranger or not. In his overfriendly mood, Aaron and Dave warm up to the Police Chief and bond instantly. Right now, both men and the Police Chief are talking about golf after we have finished an arson- murder case.

"What the hell is going on with Hotch?" JJ mutters as we watch him. I can only shrug my shoulders and reply, "I don't know- I really don't."

She knows that it's not just Aaron that I'm referring to. "How are you?" she asks.

"I'm tired, Jen…just so tired." Its true- at the moment, there's no fight in me. I am not unsure whether I can take another hit.

And then I hear something that shatters my world.

The police Chief asks Aaron, who has just finished a phone call with a mystery caller, "Ooh, sounded like a nice call. Let me guess… would that be a girlfriend or a wife calling, Agent Hotchner?"

And Aaron answers, "Actually, no." He has every team member's attention and yet I feel like he's only talking to me. "She's actually…..as of last night, my fiancée, Beth."


	3. Chapter 3

**January 2, 2012- West Clover Cliffs, Washington**

I think my world has collapsed.

The man that I love, the man that I haven't even had the chance to get over is engaged. To another woman. I can't even wrap my mind around it while Aaron shakes hands with Dave, the Police Chief, Derek, and Spencer, who are all congratulating him. JJ hesitantly gives him a hug and whispers halfheartedly, "I'm happy for you, Hotch."

Then the newly engaged Aaron turns to me.

I don't know what he expects from me- a high five, a hug, backflips, or even bloody cheer.

The longest second of my life passes before I choke out, "Oh God-Oh-I-"

"Prentiss?" Derek calls out. My knees feel wobbly and I suddenly feel like I'm going to pass out. I can't concentrate on anything else as I slowly back into a desk. JJ pushes past Aaron and grabs my arm. She sends Aaron a scowl due to his lack of emotion and leads me out of the police station.

Once outside the station, I put my hands on my knees and begin to hyperventilate. JJ helps me sit down before I vomit onto the sidewalk. And like expected, the rest of the team comes outside with a frenzy of questions.

"Emily, are you ok?"

"What happened?"

"Is she ok?"

"Do I need to call for an ambulance?"

JJ stands up and says in the loudest voice that I have ever seen come out of her, "Back up, guys. She's needs some air."

"She doesn't seem ok," Spencer states. Aaron comes closer to me, which makes me flinch. He catches this and says, "This is about my engagement-"

"Everyone needs to back up, especially you Hotch," JJ replies harshly, " It's a lot to handle- you know what- just go!"

JJ darkens her expression and points to the police entrance as I start to sob and cover my face with my arms. "Inside. Now!"

Dave and Spencer reluctantly head inside, soon followed by Derek. I can feel Aaron staring at me until JJ tells him, "Go, Hotch. You of all people should not be anywhere near her right now."

Once I hear silence, I look up to see JJ kneeling next to me. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," she comforts, "Oh God, I don't know what the hell- three months?! He gets engaged after three months?!"

I try to say words of some shape or form, but they only come out as squeaks. JJ wraps her arms around me and whisper, "I'm so sorry, Emily. It'll be alright."

She pulls back and sits on the ground. "You will find a bigger, badder, sexier man with a bigger gun that will love you for you. He's out there and trust me, he'll notice you."

"I-I- what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. Hotch is a good man and a great leader, but he's clueless when it comes to matters of the heart. One day, he'll realize the mistake he's making."

_But what if it's too late?_

**Seattle- Tacoma International Airport- 5 minutes until takeoff**

Somehow JJ comforts me after I cry for twenty minutes straight.

The team had left ten minutes after my breakdown for the airport. Derek and Aaron didn't want to leave me at the police station, but JJ insisted that they go ahead of us. Five minutes later, JJ somehow convinced me to stop crying and to walk onto the jet with my head high. She made it sound so easy- I know I'm going to either breakdown again because of a bombardment of questions that will come from the men.

When we finally make to the jet, JJ once again comes to the rescue.

When we walk on, she shoots Dave and Derek a glare to be quiet. Spencer stays in his spot near the middle window, but still watches me like a hawk. We both sit in two chairs in front of Dave and Aaron. Aaron catches my eye for a split second before he drops his gaze and returns to his paperwork. It's not what I expect to come from him- it's a shy, childlike reaction to a very, very big problem.

However, based on his behavior towards me within the last month, I find this to be progress.

Forty minutes after takeoff, my eyes are closed as the jet glides through the skies, past twinkling stars and a few gentle clouds. They look also inviting and welcoming, mostly because of the mood I'm in. Everyone on the jet is quiet; I can hear shuffling and people moving around, preventing me from knowing where everyone is. When JJ starts speaking after a long silence, I start to get an idea.

"Back off," she states, her voice almost a threat. I hear a squish of seat cushion before Spencer whispers loudly, "Is she ok?"

"She's upset, Reid. Just leave her be."

"Is it because of what I said?" His voice is filled with sorrow, which breaks my heart. Spencer is so innocent sometimes, which is why I don't blame him for what he said. It had to come out sooner or later.

JJ's tone is still harsh. _"_Reid, the party was not the best time to go yelling things like that, especially with-"

"My fiancé being there?" Aaron officially joins the conversation.

It sounds as if JJ is gathering ammo to talk personal affairs with our boss, because of a prolong silence that follows. She then sighs and tells him, "Hotch, I'm happy for you. I truly am, but you have been- "

"JJ, it's been a month since the incident at the Graduate's Ball!"

"Whoa! What do you mean _the incident_? You mean where Spence blurted out that she loved you?"

I'm glad that JJ's angry about the use of the word incident. If I wasn't pretending to sleep, I would be in Aaron's face right now.

JJ shifts her weight in her chair and continues to fight with Aaron. This move allows me to realize that out of all four remaining members on the team, Aaron is sitting the closest.

"Well, what am I supposed to do, JJ? It's as weird for me as well!" Aaron snaps, bringing my attention back to the argument.

"Hotch, she loves you. Ignoring her or acting like a robot isn't going to fix things! She's lonely and upset- you cannot pull _boss_ for this, Aaron. You have to man up and talk to her as a friend! You do care about Emily, right?"

Silence passes.

"Yes," the Unit Chief answers very quietly, almost inaudible to me.

"Good. Here's what you're going to do- give her a day of some space away from you and then _talk_ _to_ _her_. Got it?"

Aaron replies softly, "Ok."

I remind myself to thank JJ later on. What would I do without her?


	4. Chapter 4

**Tuesday January 3, 2012- BAU bullpen**

When I come to work the next morning, I find JJ standing with Penelope in front of the bullpen. In the quietest, calmest voice that she can muster, JJ is trying to convince Penelope to not go ballistic and murder Aaron.

"I can't believe that he's engaged…." Penelope spits out, "How- why- and he didn't even give Emily a warning?!" Penelope pauses when she sees me trudge onto the floor. She takes in my ragged appearance and decides calmly, "Oh yeah. I'm definitely going to go strangle Hotch."

"Penny, don't," I tell her. She nods her head in disagreement and tells JJ, "Jay, you're going to have to bail me out of jail after I do this. I have ten bucks under my sofa that should help-"

"That's so nice, Penny," I reply softly, " but I can only worry about one thing at a time And JJ and I bailing you of jail for murder won't be one of them."

"I'm kidding, sweetie. It did get you to laugh!" She's right; I'm struggling against the desire to grin at Penny's behavior. She doesn't' buy my expression and pokes me on my side. The gesture makes me laugh.

"But seriously, how are you?" Penelope asks. I shrug my shoulders and mutter, "I feel like crap. I didn't sleep at all last night."

"Oh, sweetie. Why don't you take the day off-"

"No," I answer too quickly and then pause to recover, "It wouldn't do me any good. I need to focus on work. If I stay home, all I'll think about is Aaron and Beth. "

JJ and Penelope exchange looks and nod in agreement. They know me too well.

Penelope turns slightly and pulls up something on her tablet before her attention is slowly pulled to a spot behind me. I turn around and see that Aaron is walking towards us. He seems…less perky than he was in Seattle.

"Morning," Aaron greets all of us. His focus is completely on me. JJ shoots him a _don't screw this up_look_. _

"Morning," I respond. A slight breeze passes behind me as JJ and Penelope run off to the vending machines to give us some privacy.

Aaron starts the conversation with," Um-"

I tense up, not for the reason that can be easily assumed. It's because in 5 years I have never heard Aaron say _um._

"I was wondering if you and I can get lunch so we can talk," Aaron asks.

My heart tells me repeatedly to say no, but that little part of me that's curious about this "talk" and likes to make me suffer makes me say, "Ok."

**1:57- Nicky's Diner- Montclair, Virginia**

"Hey," Aaron calls out to me softly. We are sitting in a booth at the back of one of my favorite restaurants. My eyes are focused on the menu, which I've been staring at for almost ten minutes now.

"Oh, sorry," I nervously chuckle. I instantly think of the diner's special, a Philly cheesesteak with fries. It's not something that I should be eating while sick or even while at work. The cheesesteak is so good and unhealthy that it should be illegal. "I'm ready when you are to order."

His eyes look up towards the top of the menu. "I'll just get a BLT."

"Good…that's good. It's really-um- nice- gets a lot of orders around dinner." My idiotic rambling gets a raised eyebrow from Aaron. He places the menu aside and puts his hands together like a therapist or a parent who's about to give their child a lecture.

"How are you?" Aaron asks me with a quiet, patient tone. It drives my nerves up the wall.

"I'm ok, Hotch. I really…am," I lie. The end of my statement is hesitant, which he instantly catches.

"You don't see fine. You had a panic attack when I announced my engagement."

I shift in my chair when he says _my engagement. _In my book, it shouldn't even be a phrase unless my name is in it. "I guess…I meant to say that is that I'm trying to deal with this in the best way that I can. A lot has-"

I pause. I'm not sure if I want to share the details of the last few months with Aaron. I trust the man to save my life in a firefight, but his behavior in the last month makes my trust in him, personally, very shaky.

I correct myself. "It's just that….heartbreak sucks and I'm learning to deal with it. I'll be ok-I mean I've been through worse and have come out shining."

My entire statement is a lie.

It's a deep, disgusting lie. I haven't been through worse! My entire life has not collapsed on me all at the same time. Doyle and my seven month hideaway in Paris can't hold a candle to the constant sick, lonely feeling I have every time I wake up in the morning. Benjamin Cyrus and the ass kicking that I received in Colorado that day is child's play to the lack of energy, the lack of drive, and the fact that a large part of me doesn't want to do any of this anymore.

The part of me that tells me to just give up.

I'm not sure if Aaron buys it, but before I can know if he does, Aaron's phone rings. It's Garcia, alerting us about a new case in Salem, Oregon. We both ask for our meals for carryout and head back to work.

On the car ride back, a nagging feeling tells me that this whole mess called my life is about to get worse.

**Thursday, January 5, 2012- Hydra Park Trail, 5 miles from Salem Police Station**

The nagging feeling that I had in Quantico has come true.

We flew into Salem on Tuesday night and gotten right to work on catching a blitz unsub who brutally attacks at random and then his victim for dead. Tuesday and Wednesday resulted in dead ends and long hours. Thursday morning, however, gave us the lead we were dying for. Two eye witnesses had stepped forward with very vivid and accurate descriptions of the unsub. The police distributed pictures of the unsub to the city and got an overwhelming response.

Unfortunately, that response not only gave us a name- Holland Keaau- it also gave the unsub a reason to escalate. With his anger changed from the public to the police, Keaau decided to make one last stand. He decided to take another victim, a very important victim, back to to cabin where he had tortured many of his victims.

And because of my luck, this last victim is me.

He has taken me to a cabin deep within the woods at the edge of the city. After a long trip in the truck, the 6' man has tossed me into his basement where I can see that he's ready to "play a game" with me.

Keaau grabs my hair and pushes me to the ground. He pushes me hard against the cold basement floor and like most creepers, takes a whiff of my hair. I take this opportunity and give him a hard kick to the groin. He falls back onto his knees, but quickly rebounds and pushes me back down onto the ground, this time with a hold on my throat.

"Go….ahead…" I croak out in short gasp, "You won't….. get away with this."

Keaau chuckles and release my throat. "Don't test me, bitch."

"Do it!" In the Academy, they teach all new FBI agents on what to do when in a situation like this. Nearly begging the assailant to attack you isn't one of them. Begging is what an agent with nothing to live for does.

Someone who's had rough couple of months like me.

"Fine." Keaau begins to repeatedly punch me in the stomach hard like I'm a punching bag. Tears begin to form in my eyes after multiple hits. At this moment, I'm pretty sure that if the team doesn't come to my rescue right now, I might die.

And if on cue, we hear from the door, "FBI! Get off of her, you monster!"

It's Morgan, who lunges at Keaau and gets him off of me in an instant. I get a chance to see who's come to my aid- Morgan, three SWAT members, and JJ are in the room with me. Dave, Spencer, and Aaron are nowhere to be seen.

I make it up the stairs slowly and into the frigid Salem air. Outside are ten police cars and our SUVs. Aaron is standing with Dave by an ambulance, both looking very concerned. When Aaron spots me, I put up a hand and say, "I'm ok."

His eyes are locked on me with a hint of fear in them. This comes as a relief- his eyes tell me that he still cares about me and that something else is causing his childish, irrational behavior towards me.

Aaron glances between the cabin and me. "Are you sure?"

"I'm ok," I lie before trudging up the hill. I don't need to look back to know that he's watching me.

**11:30pm- Portland International Airport**

"How are you really?" Jennifer asks, dropping her go bag to the ground. The team is at the airport ready to fly home. We have to fly out of Portland because of technical issues at Salem's municipal airport. I'm so thankful for this because I need to go home ASAP and try to relax during the three day weekend.

I hoist my bag up further and tell her, "Physically, I hurt like hell. Mentally, I…JJ, you're going to think I'm crazy."

"Crazy- I'm really exhausted so just humor me- or crazy- someone needs to stay at my apartment to make sure that I don't do anything stupid?" Although her question has some humor to it, JJ stares me down with a deep seriousness on her face.

"I'm not that bad-"

"You are sweetie," JJ sighs, "We were in the house when you told Keaau to hit you. Morgan thought it as you just taunting him, but I think otherwise…..like you really wanted him to hurt you."

"No, I didn't. Look, yeah I'm upset about Aaron and yes, I'd rather go ten rounds with Keaau or even Doyle in a basement than watch Aaron marry someone else. But I'm not suicidal."

At least I don't think I am.

JJ's eyes widen and for a second I think it's because of what I've just said. Actually, it's because Aaron had stepped closer to us and heard every word that I have just said.

"Emily….." he says slowly. Before I can say anything, my phone rings from my pocket. I put up a hand and answer, "Hello," while walking into a different hallway.

"Is this Agent Emily Prentiss?" the caller asks. The tone of the caller sounds grim, which freaks me out.

"Yes, is something wrong?"

"Yes. I'm Commander Hale McHenry, and I'm sorry to tell you that Petty Officer James Smith was killed in action in Kabul, Afghanistan this morning. He had listed you as an emergency contact…."

The rest of what the caller has to say doesn't register. My mind can only focus on that another friend of mine has been killed. It's rare for one person to lose two friends in two different countries within a few months of each other. It's also what I see to be the catalyst- the thing that truly pushes me over the edge.

"What…I- th-thank you for calling," I stammer before hanging up. I start to walk back with my whole body trembling. I find Aaron and the team standing at the terminal where our bags are. I go directly towards Aaron and reach out towards him for some kinds of contact- a hug, a pat on the arm, anything. He stops me before I can touch him and holds me arm's length away from himself.

"Emily, I don't know how much I can tell you this," Aaron says, "but I can't give you want you want from me. I'm with Beth."

He thinks that at this moment, I want romance….and not what I actually need, which is a friend.

At this very moment, I want nothing more than someone- anyone- to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. Even though Aaron's mistaken, I register his response as a rejection. JJ is nervously staring me down before asking, "Em….what was that phone call all about?"

"Nothing important. Excuse me; I need to run to the bathroom." I slowly start walking down the hallway and take a right. I continue down the hallway until I see the escalator that leads to terminal 6, which holds Delta and American Airlines flights. One flight is about to leave for Spokane. It appeals to me- it's a place where I can go to get away and be hard as hell to find. Numbly, I enter the terminal and buy a ticket.

The ticket attendant seems nervous when she sees me as my eyes are bloodshot red and hears how my voice is cracking. "You ok?" she asks me.

"I am having a really, really bad day," I tell her. She smiles empathetically and hands me my ticket. Suddenly, I remember that within 20 minutes, my team will realize that I have gone missing. I pull my gun off of my holster and place it with my badge on the counter. The attendant's eyes widen and I explain, "I'm a federal agent, but something happened and I need to leave my team that's currently over at terminal 5. There's no need for a rush or anything, but can you give it to them before their flight leaves? It's the 12:15 private flight to Quantico."

"Of course. Are you sure everything's ok?"

I nod and take the ticket. My entire body is numb, from my head to my toes. Something in me has crashed and I can't seem to function anymore. All I know is that the flight to Spokane that leaves 15 minutes is where I need to be.


	5. Chapter 5

**1:30 am**

I'm broken.

During my entire life, I've been such a strong person and pushed through many different kinds of hell.

At fifteen, I had an abortion.

Unlike many children, I had spent my entire childhood traveling the world with my mother.

I hid in Paris for seven months from a homicidal man because of my choice to protect a young boy named Declan.

Hey, I've made it over thirty years with being related to my mother.

Even with all of that, I've pulled through those incidents still being the strong woman that I am- well, _was_. Now a few months of illness, a broken heart, losing 2 loved ones, and the aftermath of Doyle has turned me into a weak, sad little girl that's sitting in a boarding area so that she can run away from her problems. The flight is delayed by an hour, which makes waiting more nerve wracking.

I'm sitting by myself in a corner with my head down and my gaze focused on the ground. My cell phone and wallet are in my hands trembling along with my body.

"Wow, that's some dedication. You know you can wait until we get on the plane to turn your phone off, honey," I hear in my ear. I look up to see an elderly gentleman smiling at me. My eyes drop to my phone, which is off. It had been turned off by Keaau during my kidnapping.

"Oh, thank you," I stammer and the man turns his attention to the paper in his hands. Naturally, I press my finger against the power button to turn it back on. Not even ten seconds after the home screen comes up that I see that the team has been looking- no, frantically searching for me for the last half hour.

I have 30 missed calls from my 25 minute absence: most of them from Aaron, JJ, and Derek. Dave and Spencer put in their fair share of calls to me as well. Penelope takes a different route and assaults me with a whole hell a lot of texts such as,

_Em, where are you?_

_Em, you're freaking everyone out. Some lady gave Derek your gun and badge- what are you doing?_

_Emily, please call us. Please don't do anything stupid._

The last text stings. It dawns on me that the team thinks that I've lost it, which in all honesty, is partly true. I've run away without saying goodbye and turned off my cellphone. Handing over your badge and gun with no explanation is never a good thing as well. At this moment, I realize that there is no way out of this. I'm already in danger of losing my job because of my actions. I'll lose much more if I keep this up.

I slowly dial the person who I believe will take my phone call the best- Dave. His response is a little more frantic than I had expected.

"Emily? Where are you? Guys, I found her!" Dave tries to keep his voice calm, but I can hear the relief in his voice. "Just tell me where you are."

"Dave, I'll come to you. I can walk," I reply. I may move slow and walk my head down, but I can walk. Dave doesn't seem to take it the same way when he tells me, "Just say where you are and we'll be there in a second."

"Um, ok. It's a flight to Spokane in terminal 6. Dave, I will come to you." I reaffirmed the last part of statement, hoping that he understands. If TSA officers and five freaked out agents come at me in public all at once, everyone will want to get a picture of me. It'll soon be on the news and then the Bureau will know and my career at the FBI will be over.

"Fine. Come back to our gate. And Em, please don't try to run off again."

"I won't." It's true to an extent- if I lose it again between now and the walk to the gate, there are no guarantees that I won't run off somewhere to get some space.

It takes me ten minutes to make it back to the gate.

The team is scattered around the area for our gate: Spencer is standing while nervously chewing his lip, Derek is slowly pacing while reassuring Penelope through the phone that I will return, Jennifer is slowly rocking while trying not to go ballistic, Dave is playing the anxious playing with BAU ring on his finger, and then….. there's Aaron.

He is standing next to the large glass windows that separate the passengers from outside. He seems like he's frozen, like a statue I'd seen once in a small museum. It was a small clay statue of a man with big sad eyes. It was the most dominant and strongest part of the piece, which is how I remembered it until this day. _After _was the title of piece. The similarity of the piece to Aaron makes me realize that the title fits both the piece and our current situation.

To get the team out of their frantic state, I force out a cough. It's quiet, but my team catches it instantly. Spencer sprints towards me and pulls me into a tight, slightly hard to breathe hug. Jennifer and Derek are next, wrapping their arms around me and Spencer. Dave rubs my back without saying a word. Aaron doesn't move from his spot.

"I am sorry," I apologize. Unfortunately, it comes out somber filled. "I just needed some space and I didn't do it in the best way. I'm ok."

"Emily, you bought a ticket, turned off your phone, left your credentials and was planning to leave without telling us," Derek says, "How is any of that ok?"

I'm speechless because I don't know what to say. If I were in their positions, I'd want to know the very same thing. It's a question that's so easy and yet so hard to answer. I could tell them everything that has gone on with me that past few months or not say anything and take the time to figure things out.

JJ seems to read my mind. "How about we get on the plane and talk about this later?" she suggests. She knows me the best and knows that I was about to go with option B. I nod and add, "I just want to go home, guys. We'll talk in Quantico. I promise."

"I guess…." Spencer says, ending with a loud sigh. He turns and collects his things, soon followed by the others. It's now when I realize that Aaron has still not moved from his spot near the window. I slowly walk over and observe him a little more. His eyes are bloodshot red and empty, the same it was for days after Haley died. It's a testimony that shows that even with his odd behavior towards me; my disappearance may have had a bigger impact on him than I had thought it would.

I call out to him to hopefully bring him back to Earth. "Aaron-"

And like clockwork, Aaron jumps into his one good defense mechanism- his authority. "You're on medical leave for a month. Not up for discussion," he tells me.

And on that note, he walks away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Saturday January 7, 2012- Quantico, Virginia**

The next day, I am called into work regardless of being on medical leave.

I know it's some form of a team meeting to discuss what had happened in Salem and Portland. Something also tells me that it's being done for formalities and there's a high chance that Strauss or a FBI issued psychologist will be there. The flight home had been quiet and no one talked– well, more so of me isolating myself at the back of the cabin and no one bothering me or speaking to each other for the entire flight. Morgan had driven me home while JJ and Spencer followed in their cars. I nearly had to threaten all kinds of harm to get them to leave for the night, with Morgan being the hardest to get rid of. I'm sure that it's because of the Doyle incident- he doesn't want me to disappear again, especially for good.

When I finally make it onto our floor, I find that it's eerily quiet. Not a lot of agents come in on Saturdays; it's more of a bad luck thing more than anything else. You get called in when there's a case you couldn't close all week or in my case, an emergency meeting. I ignore the eerier mood in the hall and walk towards the bullpen on full alert. The first person I run into is Penelope, who's pacing in front of the bullpen doorway and very frantic because she didn't get the chance to see or yell at me the night before.

"It's official!" Penny screams when she sees me, "I'm going on every case, every road trip- EVERYTHING! I'm sick of this! I'm not going to be stuck here while you guys go out and almost get killed or get depressed-"

"Penelope-"

She wags a finger at me. "Emily Ann Prentiss, don't you dare tell me that you aren't depressed! I don't know if it's mainly about Hotch or about your friends or even about your mother-"

I pull her into a hug to calm her down. As she's still hyperventilating, I tell her, "I'll be ok, Penny. I'm just…tired. Emotionally and mentally tired. And everything with my two…. dead friends and Hotch isn't making things any better."

Penelope steps back and inhales slowly. From the conference room, the door opens and JJ steps out. She calls out to the both of us, "Can you guys head in here?"

"Yeah, we're coming," I answer. We both walk over to the conference room with Penelope up front. When we arrive, Penelope walks over and plops down next to JJ. Both are sitting at the table with Spence, Dave, Derek, and Aaron. I have no reason or desire to walk into the room now since my internal awkward alarm is blaring in my head.

"Emily, please sit," Aaron asks me, pointing to the empty chair next to him. JJ nonchalantly slides into the seat and points to the one between her and Garcia. "Or you can sit here."

I nod and squeeze in between the girls. At this moment, I do not want to sit next to Aaron.

The room goes quiet for a few minutes as no one has any idea of what to say. When five minutes comes and goes, I finally speak up, "So you guys want an explanation regarding the airport…."

"What was the phone call about? You know- the one you got before you ran off," Spencer asks in a rush. Everyone else stares at me, expecting an answer. I have no choice to answer completely, no matter how much I want to keep things to myself right now.

"A friend- a very good friend of mine has died in Afghanistan after I had lost another friend in Iraq. I guess I took it really hard," I reply. Dave places an empathetic hand on my shoulder. Spence drops his shoulder and says, "I'm so sorry, Em."

"It's fine. I mean it's not fine, but I just reacted really badly." I sit up and try to look less like a depressed person. "I think a month of will be good for me-"

"No, it won't," Derek cuts me off. His arms are cross and his eyes are the same shocked and worried look he gave me every day during my days of the issues with Doyle. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I think the biggest issue is the problems going on between you and Hotch. A month off won't change any of the fact that you're in love with him and he can't love you back."

_He can't love you back._

I repeat the words in my head. Derek doesn't say that Aaron isn't in love with me, it's more so that with Beth, work, and everything else that's going on our lives, he either can't or doesn't know how to. It's an interesting theory that is currently running through Penelope and Jennifer's head at the moment as well.

Aaron glares at Derek. "Prentiss and I are fine-"

Here's when everything gets heated.

Penelope jumps in and exclaims in a shaky, half brave, half fearful voice, "Don't say fine! You guys aren't fine!"

In the distance, I can hear Spencer whisper, "I shouldn't have said anything….."

Dave leans over to Spencer and tells him, "Kid, it was an accident. Let it go."

Ignoring Dave and Spence, I turn my attention to the rest of the group, saying, "Our unusual behaviors are just a-"

Aaron cuts me off. It seems to be the theme of the meeting. "Prentiss," he states, "My behavior isn't because-"

"Are you blaming everything on me?" I snap. He has no right to blame me for his actions. Frustration and exhaustion kick into overdrive and I'm done being passive about this. "You act like I don't exist, Aaron!"

"I am giving you the space you need-"

I'm furious now because I'm sick of hearing those words. "I don't need space! I need you to stop treating me like I'm some kind of freak! I love you and that isn't going to go away overnight. You don't get to act all pompous because you can't deal with it like a grown ass man-"

Aaron is tense at this moment. He does his usual act when he's trying to control his anger, which I can tell is failing. "If you can't handle being on this team," he starts to say, before I cut him off.

"Can't handle being on this team?! So everything is my fault?" I yell, "If you only knew what I've been going through, you'd…." I trail off, deciding not to finish the sentence, mainly because I frankly don't even want think about the answer.

Aaron doesn't take well to this at all. It actually bothers him. A lot. "What's that supposed to mean?" His tone is fearful and worried more than anything else.

Luckily and unluckily for me, our lovely Section Chief walks into the conference room, not realizing that she has walked into a really tense moment. Strauss places a file onto the desk nonchalantly before looking around the table and seeing Aaron's panic, my exhaustion, and everyone else's nervousness.

"Is everything alright?" she asks. It's unusual for her to ask about our personal lives, especially since she spent the first few years of my career at the BAU hell bent on destroying Aaron and trying to make me her personal mole. Taking the opportunity, I stand up and fake a smile.

"No ma am," I say, "I was just leaving."


	7. Chapter 7

I make it to my car in record time, but I don't leave.

I take in a deep breath and try to process everything that's just happen.

Irrationally, I take it as getting my secrets and worries out into the open. It's not all of them, but enough to let everyone know that I'm not ok. However, I realize that from my team's point of view, I sounded suicidal and had taken off upset once again.

"Crap, "I mutter and softly hit my forehead against the steering wheel. "I'm so, so-"

A loud knock on my window makes me nearly jump out of my skin.

It's Dave, standing in his coat next to my car. He shivers a little and points at the lock so that I can let him in. When I do unlock the door, the man bolts in and sighs in relief at how nice and warm my car is.

"Whew, thanks. It's a sauna in here," he laughs. I can only stare him down, which he takes a look of annoyance.

"Rossi, I'm ok," I say, "I just need-"

"Time? I don't think you being alone is the best thing right now," Dave replies, "We have a case in California and none of us feel comfortable leaving you alone."

"So what? I'm off leave?" I'm not sure if I'd be ok if I was taken off of leave. I had wanted to spend the time off cleaning out my friend's, the one who had died in Afghanistan, apartment. It's depressing, but it needs to be done.

"No." Dave turns his attention my rear view window. A small gold chain that my mother had sent from Italy dangles from it. He takes it in his fingers before glancing over to me. His behavior makes me nervous.

"You trust me?" Dave asks.

I nod nervously. "Of course."

"Ok. Aaron's going to sit this case out and keep an eye on you."

"Whoa, what?!" I'm taken back and slightly pissed. I don't want to spend time with someone who's so confused and all over in his behavior towards me.

"He's insistent that he does it. Believe it or not, he's scared as hell for you," Dave reassures. I'm not buying it and Dave knows it. He adds, "It's not up for discussion, Emily."

I scoff at Dave's comment. "Not bloody likely. I can take care of myself and I don't want to spend my time with Aaron right now."

"Alright, it's either you agree to stay with Aaron or I handcuff you to him and take the key with me." Dave also doesn't sound like he's joking.

Now's the time for me to negotiate. "What about I stay at my own apartment and have him call in or drive by every few hours or so?"

In response, Dave pulls out his handcuffs. I groan very loudly, "Fine! You win."

Dave leans over and kisses me on the cheek. He looks me in the eyes and says seriously, "Thank you. Now while the rest of us are away, promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

"I promise- wait, were you sent out here to be the representative of the group or something?"

Dave chuckles and opens the car door. With a foot outside, he looks back and says, "You're pissed off and hurt- this way seems less messy. Come on, get your go bag that you keep in the trunk-"

"How did you know?" I exclaim in disbelief. No one knows that I have a backup go bag for emergencies in my trunk. Dave shrugs at my question, leaving me to promise myself not to question the great David Rossi and his profiling skills again.

Twenty minutes later, Dave and I step off the elevator and onto to the floor of the BAU. The team is standing in the foyer- Derek and Spencer are talking about the secretary on the third floor that has a crush on the young doctor Reid. Penelope is sitting next to her suitcase and computer bags, biting her nail. She flies towards me at first sight and hugs me tightly.

"Oh, Em. Please be happy and perky while we are away. If it wasn't for the techno savvy unsub and…..Hotch, I'd stay here with you!" Penelope suddenly lowers her voice and asks, "Do you have a gun on you?"

"No, Hotch has my service weapon." I don't mention the two backups I have- one in the entryway of my apartment and one in my dresser. If I did, Penelope would do a complete strip search of my apartment, regardless of any protests not to. In the midst of Penelope's interrogation questions, Spencer comes over and glances over to my bag on my shoulder.

"Can I see in your bag?" he asks nervously. I shoot him the darkest glare a human being could send and snap, "No."

"Emily," Derek says, "We just want to make sure that you'll be ok. That's twice now that you've run off with us worrying that you were going to do something."

Irritated, I hand over my bag to Spencer. "Fine. Go ahead."

"Thanks," Spencer squeaks and takes my bag over into a corner. With cross arms, I scan the area and notice that JJ and Aaron are missing.

"Where's Jay?" I ask, keeping an eye on Spencer and Derek as they search through my bag.

"Giving boss man a good talking to," Penelope replies, "Basically telling him that if he acts like an ass, I and the others will come down on him hard and fast. Sweetie, please, please, please, call if anything goes wrong. We all love you." Penelope adds with a smile, "Some of us more than others."

"I will. Scout's honor." I reply with a smile. Even in the darkest times, Penelope always knows how to make me smile.

Penelope nods and steps aside, allowing Derek to tell me, "You need anything and I mean _anything, _just call alright?"

"I will."

I turn to see JJ and Aaron approach the group. Aaron's got his go bag over his shoulder and a briefcase filled with paperwork. JJ's quiet but still exchange a look that says _Be careful. _

"Alright, let's head out," Dave tells the group. He hits the elevator button while the remaining three agents and TA follow him. Both Aaron and I watch them leave while keeping our distance from each other. With waves and sad faces, the team disappears into the elevator and out of sight.

"Emily-"

"I cut him off. "Don't. Don't overcompensate, Aaron. Just don't. I don't need a baby sitter and I don't need you to act super nice and pretend like the last few months haven't happened. Ok?"

He blinks in response while keeping an impassive look. "No. That's not going to happen." He's starting towards the elevator when I throw my hands up in the air and yell, "No? Hotch, what do you think-"

"What do I think?!" He spins around and faces me, giving me a bit of satisfaction. He's angry and finally showing some damn emotions for once.

"Do I think that you would have done something like suicide? Yes, I do!" He's inches away from me now, "You're staying with me and that's the end of it."

I'm shocked for a minute, not because he yelled at me, but because after months, I think the defensive wall he uses is finally coming down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Saturday, January 7, 2012**

The ride home from work is filled with dead silence.

From my spot in the passenger seat, I can tell that Aaron is fuming as he drives. It's a little odd to me, especially since Dave told me that the man was _so insistent_ on having me stay with him. It's so odd that I finally ask him about it after fifteen minutes of deep, dead silence.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask. He doesn't look over to me even though we've just pulled up to a red light.

"Because I don't trust you," he replies flatly. I tense up, expecting some form of a continuation- a calm explanation or worse, a whole lot of yelling. The light turns green and Aaron just drives stone silent. His behavior is now starting to freak me out a little. I'm not sure if the man is actually going to take me to his house, drop me off at a psych ward, or drop me off in the middle of the woods.

"So you don't trust me? Professionally or personally?" I ask.

"Both." He pulls the SUV to the van to the side of the road and parks. Because of my head being in the clouds, I hadn't noticed that we were approaching his apartment. Aaron quietly gets out and walks around the back of the SUV. I slowly slide out of the passenger seat and pull my go bag over my shoulder. He meets me on my side and then without a word, walks into his apartment building.

As I follow Aaron up the ten million stairs it takes to get to his apartment, a thought suddenly hits me. Sometime in the last month, I had overheard Spence tell Derek about Beth moving in with Aaron. I don't remember when exactly this conversation had occurred, but it makes me assume that I'm about to intrude on what is technically her premises. If I were in her shoes, I'd be a little pissed. However, this is Beth. Even though she's about to marry the man that I love, she's still one of the nicest people on the planet.

"Beth lives with you," I say, hopefully loud enough to him to hear me.

Aaron glances back to me and responds, "Yes. She knows that you're coming."

"And she's ok with it?"

"Yes," Aaron answers. We finally reach his apartment and find Jack in the living room. The seven year old jumps off the couch and bolts over to his father not even two seconds after we arrive. When Aaron sees his son, he immediately turns into loving father and smiles at his little boy.

"Dad! You don't get to leave?" Jack exclaims. He stops in his tracks and notices that I'm standing at the door as well. "Auntie Emily, what are you doing here?"

"Remember what I told you, Jack?" I hear come from the kitchen. It's Beth and she steps out of the kitchen as she dries her hands.

Aaron places his bag on his counter and tells Jack, " Can you go to your room, buddy? Beth and I have to have a grown up talk with Emily."

"Ok, Dad," Jack turns to me, " Beth said that you're sick. I hope you feel better!"

"Thanks, Jack," I respond, " I hope I get better soon too."

The little boy takes off down the hallway, leaving me in a very awkward spot with Aaron and Beth. Beth gives me a warm smile and points to the couch. " Why don't you sit?" she suggests.

"I'm comfortable right where I am," I say in a defensive tone. "What's this about?"

"It's about you," Aaron replies from his spot next to the kitchen island. Beth places a and on her fiancée's shoulder and adds, " It's about a plan to help you move on-"

"No!" I snap angrily. This woman that I barely know has no right to help me move on. "You don't get to try and fix me, Beth. I barely know you!"

The woman puts her hands up in defense. "I'm sorry- I'm just trying to help. I'm going to marry Aaron and since you're a part of his family, it kind of makes you mine too."

My focus changes from Beth back to Aaron. I laugh in disbelief, "Family? Aaron, you consider me to be family? That would mean that you actually care about me and right now, I'm not so sure about that!"

At this moment, I have the biggest urge to walk out of the apartment. I hate that it's become a habit as of late, especially since I'm usually not one to run. However, I know that if I were to run off somewhere again after a big fight, no one on the team would let me out of their sights ever again. So with that option gone, I turn to Plan B.

"I'm going to lie down," I state. A sad and shocked Aaron is staring at me in disbelief and says nothing. Beth nods a little too quickly at my comment and points to the guest room door in the hallway. Without a word, I grab my bag and walk away, not caring about what either of them are thinking at this moment. Once I'm in the bedroom, I drop my go bag on the ground and climb onto the queen size bed. The blue comforter feels so comfortable that I don't even bother climbing under the sheets.

My eyes begin to feel heavy rather quickly. I'm starting to drift off to sleep, rather reluctantly because I already know that I'm going to have nightmares tonight. I know that like the many, many nights before, I'm going to wake up screaming and there'll be no one here that I trust to help me through it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sunday January 9, 2012- 2am**

After a few hours of nightmares, I'm sitting up in my bed, screaming.

I'm not sure where I am- the last thing I remember is seeing Doyle's face so close to mine in my dreams. Doyle's sneer in my ear, his hand over my throat, the stake being jammed into my chest- all of it feels so real that for a second, I think I'm back in that warehouse and the last year was just a dream.

"Emily!"

Aaron and Beth bolt into the room, Aaron running to my side first. He tries to put an arm around me, but I push him off. Beth stands near the edge of the bed and says, "it's ok, Emily. You were having a nightmare."

While I ignore Beth's obvious statement, Aaron tries to touch me again. He's a little more aggressive this time and pulls me into a hug. I try to push him away, but…the man's ridiculously strong.

"Let me go!" I cry out between my short, ragged breaths. He only hugs me tighter as an attempt to get me to calm down.

Aaron whispers, "Relax-"

"Let go!"

"Emily, you need to relax-"

I elbow him in the ribs and he releases me. Aaron takes a step away from me with one hand on his ribcage. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around my legs as a way to try and calm myself down.

"Auntie Emily?"

The voice is small and comes from young Jack. I open my eyes to see him standing behind his father at the door. In my screaming fit, I must have woken him.

"Are you ok?" Jack whimpers. I crawl towards the end of the bed and walk over to him.

"I'm ok," I tell him, " I just had a really bad dream-"

"You were screaming and you said my dad's name," Jack says. He looks up to his father, who's standing next to Beth. I can't bring myself to look Aaron in the eye and try to explain something that I didn't even know I did.

Especially something like this.

"I heard you guys yelling earlier too. Are you and my Dad fighting?" Jack continues, completely unaware of the effect of his questioning. The boy has good intentions, but is asking un-answerable questions. How does one tell a seven year old- _I fell in love with your dad and now he's treating me like crap. _

"Your dad and I are….having a little issue that we have to work out," I tell Jack. "We're disagreeing on how I've been really sad for the last few months and…..a friend of mine isn't being very nice to me." Thankfully, Jack doesn't pick up that the friend that I'm referring to is his father.

I continue, "This friend of mine was really close to me for many years until recently. "

Jack continues to listen intently to my story. "What happened?"

"Well, this friend started to be really mean and he wasn't there when I needed him the most. I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore over something grown up that I said and it hurts me a lot, Jack." I can hear Beth sniffling, but I can't hear Aaron. If it wasn't for the fact that I could _feel_ Aaron close by me, I would have suspected that he had left.

Jack hugs me and says, "My mom said that hugs will always make people feel better even when they're really really sad."

Oddly enough, his hug does wonders. I momentary feel relief before reality sinks back in "Thanks, Jack-"

"Do you want some water or someone to stay in your room? My Dad does that whenever I have a bad dream about monsters or even that man that killed Mom-"

I place a hand on Jack's cheek and he quiets down. "I think if I read a book or listen to my music, I'll fall asleep again," I tell him.

Very hesitantly, Beth ushers Jack towards the door. " Time to go to bed, Jack."

The little boy nods and waves to Aaron and me. "Night, Dad! Night, Auntie Emily!"

Once Jack and Beth leave and we're alone, Aaron asks me, "What happened in your dream?"

I crawl back into the bed and simply reply, "Don't worry about it. Good night."

* * *

After my freak-out, I never fall back asleep.

My morning consists of me staying in my room and finding meaningless ways to entertain myself. I know that it's trivial to hide away in a room in someone else's apartment, but the idea of confrontation over what had been said that last 12 hours is frightening. So to fill the time, I work on paperwork that I was able to sneak out of the office, I organize my purse, explore the trinkets scattered throughout the room, no doubt a decorating idea from Beth, and watch the ceiling fan whirl.

Around noon, I hear from Aaron, "Prentiss, please come into the living room."

"I'm coming," I answer with a sigh and slip on my FBI sweater. When I step out of my room, I see Aaron sitting at the kitchen island. It looks like he's talking to someone who's standing in the living room.

"…..I'm so glad that you were able to make it," Aaron says.

"Thank you for calling me. I'll take care of her," a voice answers from the living room. It's so familiar and yet I pray that I'm only hearing things. I casually walk into the living room to find my fears confirmed. My mother, Ambassador Prentiss, is sitting on the couch with Beth. My mother looks up to me and says, "Oh, Emily. I'm so glad you're finally up. I'm here to take you home."

This statement makes little sense to me. My mother's current home is in Rome and before that it was Paris. Her house in the States is being loaned out to my bored socialite cousin, Mary. It's also a very, overly mothering tone- something I usually don't see or hear from her.

"Mother, I don't think you can stay at my apartment and may I ask- who called you?" I ask. My first second guess would be Aaron.

My mother smiles brightly, "Agent Hotchner had called me a few days ago and told me his concerns about your mental and physical health. He also mentioned this silly little crush of yours."

I bite down hard on the inside of my cheek to ignore the homicidal thoughts towards Aaron, my mother, and Beth that's brewing in my head. "That doesn't explain why you're here."

My mother continues to smile at me as if I'm a ten year old who still believes in Santa. "I'm going to take care of you. Since you're on a medical leave, you're going to come with me while I travel overseas and before you say anything else, this isn't up for negotiation."


	10. Chapter 10

"You…you called my mother?" I spit at Aaron, who's sitting quietly by the island. He gets up and walks over to me, saying, "Emily, I know this-"

Before he can finish, I slap him across the face.

There's a silence that follows after, one very similar to what happens in a television show. The slap came out of nowhere, but after I do it, I feel so much better. In fact, Aaron nodding with his hand on his face as if he _completely_ understands why I'm angry, prompts me to do it again.

I slap him again, much harder to where my hand stings. My mother is on her feet and to my side, exclaiming, "Emily, get a hold of yourself!"

I drop my hand and spit at my mother, "He had no right!"

"Agent Hotchner is concerned about you, Emily. He and I agreed that you need someone needs to be here to watch you-"

I turn back to Aaron, who's in the middle of getting an ice pack from Beth. In the middle of this, I hadn't realized that she had gone to the kitchen and back in such a short time. I shoot Beth a glare and the woman backs away from Aaron. I wonder for a moment why Aaron went from the spunkiness in Haley to bright and shiny Beth.

"Do you think I'm a child?" I yell at Aaron, "No one needs to babysit me while the team is on a case. I can take care of myself!"

"I understand that, Emily," Aaron responds quietly, "but I do not feel right leaving you alone here by yourself. You know this-"

"Why the hell are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you?" I yell. I don't wait for an answer and finish, "You-God- I can't even look at you."

I turn on my heels and march towards my room because I'm truly done with all of this. I don't plan on going with my mother, frankly anywhere, but leaving the apartment with her may give me a few hours to cool down before I make any…_irrational_ decisions. I'm in my room in seconds, stuffing every item of mine into my duffel bag. When I finish, I leave a quick voicemail for Penelope with tears running down my face:

_Hey, it's Emily. Guess what? Hotch called my mother and now-I-um- need you or JJ or hell, anyone to call me back and talk me through this because I'm…I don't know what to do. Bye._

The message is long enough to give Penny an idea of what's going, but not enough for her to come down and murder Aaron.

Giving her the full details is Plan B.

I speed walk out of the apartment, ignoring Beth's, Aaron's and mother's calls until I'm at the end of the hallway. There, I stop and silently fume just as mother tells Aaron and Beth, "I'm so sorry for this. I'll talk to her and have her call you in the morning."

Not bloody likely.

"Emily!" My mother calls from down the hall. She runs over to me and asks, "What is the matter with you?"

"I am not going with you to Rome," I say faintly. I wipe my tears and add, "We can talk about this like grown adults, but you can't make me go."

"Ok, let's talk over dinner then-"

"No- not now- I have to go somewhere tonight-" I start walking towards the stairs.

My mother grabs my hand and asks, "Where?"

"You don't have to come- it's somewhere that I've needed to go for a while."

"Emily," my mother's eyes tell me that she's not being condescending, "Where do you need to go?"

**Columbia Heights, Washington D.C**

The SUV stops in front of my friend James' apartment. Petty Officer James Smith was killed in Afghanistan a couple days prior to today- he had been gone since Halloween 2011. As the military is slowly getting James' body home, his apartment remains untouched. For some reason, I find myself drawn here. I think a part of me wants to knock on the door and find him standing there, even though he's dead.

"Emily, why exactly-" my mother starts to say. I don't wait for her to finish and step out of the SUV. My mother tries to grab my arm, but I'm already halfway to the doorway by the time she even gets out of the SUV. When I make to James' apartment, I open the door using the spare key James made me promise to carry in case of emergency.

I turn on the lights and find that the apartment looks pristine. James' love for the Navy is shown throughout the apartment- a spotless kitchen filled with healthy foods, a bed that's so clean that it looks brand new, and Navy memorabilia on the walls.

"Emily, talk to me!"

My mother pulls me aside, which pulls me out my daze. She's frightened for me- actually, scared to death for me. I sigh and say, "I'm not going with you to Rome, Mom. I'm not leaving- I need to stay here and clean up…."

"What exactly is here? Whose apartment is this?"

I suddenly spill everything, "This is my best friend James' apartment. He-uhm- died a on the fifth in Kabul."

My mother puts her hands to her mouth and gasps, "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"The funny thing is that my other friend, Daniel Hardwick," I cry out, " was found dead three days before that. James was so certain that Daniel was alive to the point that he requested to be sent to Iraq to find Daniel! He was so pissed when he found he was going to Kabul!" I walk over to the couch and sit down right where James used to place his giant Washington Redskins stuffed animal during football games. I had made fun of him so much for it, but now….I wish I hadn't.

"James had actually pushed for me to tell my feelings to Aaron," I laugh through my tears, "He told me _Take that leap before he finds someone else, Emily._ Even after Aaron started dating Beth, James told me that I either had to tell Aaron how I felt or that he'd do it himself. I think it was because his wife left him in August. God, why didn't I listen to him?"

My mother sits next to me and opens her mouth to say something. Because she has a habit of saying all the wrong things, I say exactly what she's thinking, "This isn't just about Aaron, okay? My life is going to hell! I'm sick with some kind of chronic bronchitis or pneumonia to the point where it hurts to get up in the morning! Because I'm so screwed up with the incident with Ian Doyle, my actions have put me to where no one at work is going to respect me again. My friends treat me like I'm some glass doll and…..I'm just done. I'm done with everything. I don't want to talk with anyone, be near anyone, do anything- I just want to be alone."

My mom wraps her arms around me as I cry. "That's the thing, Emily. We don't want you to be alone right now. We want you to get help and be in a safe, loving environment and right now, that's living with me."

"No offense, Mom, but we don't really get along," I mutter. My mother smiles and places her hands on my cheek. "Well, let's fix that. Please come with me to Rome- you can get away from everything that's bothering you here at home for an entire month."

The thought of me running away and spending some 'quality time' with my mother doesn't appeal to me, but the idea of getting a break from being the heartbroken, irrational Emily wins me over. I wipe away my tears and say, "Alright…..you win. I'll go."


	11. Chapter 11

**Monday, January 10- 1740 miles from Leonardo DaVinci Airport of Rome**

Within three hours, I pack and leave for Rome with my mother.

In a blur, we go to my apartment and pack up everything I'll need for the trip- clothes, passport, Sergio, and few books. Going to Rome isn't a vacation of any sorts so I don't pack anything of real excitement like a camera or my tablet. I'm going to one of the most beautiful cities in the world for three weeks and I plan on spending every second of it alone, cooped up in a house.

During the first few hours of the flight, my mother explains what will happen while we're in Rome. She has called ahead and set up a condo near the embassy for me to stay at. I'll be checked on frequently and will have to meet with a psychiatrist, something I agree to just to please her. I already know that I'm depressed; I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me that. However, my mother is so engrossed in helping me that I don't protest.

After a run-down of my situation, my mother explains to me that right before the flight left, Aaron had called her. She explains that he wanted to talk to me sooner than the morning and I simply tell her- "I don't want to talk to him. If he calls between now and the end of my leave, I'm not going to answer." My mother doesn't take my response very well, but decides to drop it until we land.

Now, I'm sitting on a couch on the plane watching the clouds below us. It's so calm that it makes me want to cry. If my life was so calm and gentle like clouds among a starry sky, I'd be home, not feeling….frankly, worthless.

I'm about to close my eyes for a nap when I hear a beep from my laptop. It's a video call from Penelope, who based on my knowledge of time zones, is calling me at what's considered to be about 2am in California. With a quick glance back to my mother, who's asleep, I plug in headphones so I only I can hear the audio and click _Answer._

The screen opens up and I see JJ, Penelope and Spencer sitting on a bed in a hotel room. Derek is leaning against the back wall and Dave is sitting in a chair next to the bed. Penelope whimpers at the sight of me and cries out, "Oh, Em!"

I give a weak wave to the team and greet, "Hi," in what could be debated as a squeak.

"Looks like you're on a plane," Dave comments, "So I'm guessing that you're on your way to Rome."

"You guessed it," I answer. I pause at the sight of a security guard rolling over to his side on the couch across from me. When the man doesn't stir, I look back at the screen. "Aaron didn't even explain when he called her."

"Wait- how much of warning did you get?" JJ asks.

"None whatsoever. I think Aaron called her after you guys left." My team all stares back with a mix of disgust, shock, and anger.

Spencer blinks furiously before saying, "That doesn't sound like Hotch."

"None of this sounds like Hotch!' Derek exclaims. His eyes are dark and his body is tense. It's how Derek is right before gets aggressively angry. "What the hell is going on with him? He proposes to Beth after only a few months, he's been an asshole towards Emily even though he's clearly in love with her, and then he calls Ambassador Prentiss to come get Emily after fighting the rest of us over who'll get to stay with her?"

"I slapped him twice, if that helps," I say and it gets a smile out of Derek. "That's my girl," he laughs.

"If something was badly bothering Hotch, wouldn't he come to us?" Spencer asks innocently. JJ, Penelope, Derek, and I exchange looks before looking over to the one man who knows Aaron more than anyone else- Dave.

Dave catches everyone's looks and sighs, "Number one, I am not the liaison to Aaron. Number two, I don't have the slightest idea of what's going on with him."

"You two are best friends," JJ snorts, "He tells you everything."

Dave looks up as if he's pondering his friendship with Aaron. "Come to think of it," he says after a minute, "Aaron hasn't really talked about anything personal to me in a few months. Even when I'm up and he has a nightmare on the jet-"

"Hotch has been having nightmares?" Spencer asks.

"Yes- Aaron isn't the type to wake screaming in the night from a nightmare, but he's had a few episodes where he's woken up, sweating and a bit disoriented within the past few months. I had asked about it a few times and he said it was nothing."

Penelope shoots Dave the stink eye. "When were you going to tell us this?"

"When the time was right…like right now," Dave replies. "Something's obviously bothering him- I'll ask around and see if I can figure it out without half the team staging a coup against Aaron."

The furor among JJ, Penelope, and Derek slowly dies down and everyone turns their attention back to me. At this point, I decide to make a small request, "Guys, if Aaron asks about me while I'm gone-"

"I'm not saying a word. He doesn't have the right to know anything, especially after pushing you away," JJ confidently states while Penelope and Derek nod in agreement.

Spencer hesitantly looks between me and Dave. I can see that's he pondering on whether to join Derek, Penelope, and JJ just to be a part of the group or whether to stay neutral. Spencer admires and trusts Aaron dearly like he did with Gideon. The thought of going against his father figure isn't something that I think Spencer would ever want to do, but my ragged appearance on screen makes him quietly say, "I won't say anything, Emily."

All eyes suddenly fall on Dave, who's a bit annoyed at everyone picking on him. "I won't say anything. And before you all say anything else, I won't tell Aaron about this agreement either."

"Good man," JJ says with a smile. She turns her attention back to me and comments, "You look tired, Em. Why don't you get some rest? We'll call you later on."

"Ok. Good night guys," I say. My team says goodbye in the forms of blown kisses and waves. I close my laptop screen and sadly sigh as I'm already missing my team.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: To get an idea of what the team will go through while Emily is in Rome; this chapter is written in Penelope's point of view. **

**Monday, January 9**

As soon as Emily hangs up, I can't help but burst in tears.

I'm so scared for Emily. She's one of the strongest people I know and to see her crash like this is heartbreaking. The death of her friends is so tragic and for one person to carry that and her health AND to deal with Hotch's behavior- I couldn't do it if I were her.

Derek is just as scared as I am. The thought of losing Emily again, especially after the Doyle incident is freaking him out. During the period when Emily was away, Derek and I spent many nights sleeping over at each other's apartments as a coping mechanism. We would be able to talk with each other about everything and have the guarantee that the other person would be there the next morning. The day Emily came home, the sleepovers stopped.

The day after the incident in the airport in Portland, we started the sleepovers again.

Spencer is at a crossroads. He's scared for Emily, but he can't seem to build up the strength to go against Hotch. I admire him for that; he's the only one that's holding onto their rational judgment because of it. Spencer's the least likely to confront Hotch on the issue, but the worst Emily gets, the more likely the young doctor Reid is going to move away from seeing Hotch as the loving, trustworthy father figure that he sees him to be.

Rossi is in a similar place as Spencer- the only difference is that Rossi has the ability go up and speak his mind to Hotch, but may also say something that he can't take back. We all know that there has been days where Hotch has done or said things and Rossi has held his tongue out of respect for his friend and boss. As of today with Emily being in Rome, Hotch is one more asshole move from getting screamed at from Rossi and the rest of the team.

And JJ…..

"I have to say something," the group hears from JJ. In my space off, I hadn't realized that she had tears on her face.

"My sister committed suicide when I was 11," she says in a shaky voice. My already broken heart shatters into a million more pieces for her. JJ's just as strong as Emily- I can't believe that she's been hiding that from the team for years, especially during cases involving suicides.

"I'm so sorry, Jay," I tell her. JJ wipes away her tears and says, "I can't lose another person to suicide, guys. If Emily tries to…I can't lose another sister."

"None of us can. Especially not after we almost lost her last year."

JJ nods, her fingers toying with her necklace. She looks to everyone and says, "We need to make sure that Emily knows that she is loved by all of us. I don't care if we annoy her with six or seven phone calls a day-"

"My vacation days," Rossi interrupts, "I have 26 vacation days that I'm not going to use. Every weekend, one or two of us can use those days to fly down to Rome."

"That's perfect!" I exclaim. My mind suddenly trails back to Hotch. "And-and what about bossman? What if something's really wrong with him? What if he gets sick or he crashes too?"

"Then we'll be at his side to help him through whatever is making him act like this," Rossi answers. "Let's be honest, we all know that he loves Emily."

I can't help but smile at Rossi's comment. I have always thought it was just JJ and I that have noticed something special about Hotch and Emily. In the five years that Emily's been on the team, I've seen Hotch smile only a handful of few times and every one of those moments he's with Emily. Her side comments on the jet usually get a smirk or a glint in his eye that's gone less than a second after it came. Emily's attack in Colorado, her attack by Doyle, or even the attack by Keaau in Salem from earlier this month has caused Hotch to go from stoic, badass, brave Unit Chief to a nervous wreck.

Derek finally noticed their connection when Hotch left in the middle of a case, which he would never do, to fly Emily home, first class by the way, to take care of her for a week. Our clueless young doctor probably had no clue until now about Hotch and Emily. It's nice that everyone's up to speed now.

Now to get those lovebirds together…..

**Wednesday, January 11**

We return home after a smooth flight to find ourselves being handed another case.

I receive the phone call on the drive back to the office from Philadelphia police about a creeper that's running around the city and blowing up empty buildings. I don't understand how the police can't catch a nut job like that; however, I don't get the opportunity to turn the case as Hotch as already accepted the case for us. The phone call is only to follow through protocol.

Before any of us can walk into the bullpen, Rossi pulls us into a nearby conference to remind us not to go attacking bossman on first sight. I think it's because he knows my Derek is still fuming pissed for sending Emily away. JJ silently nods her head in understanding and I can see that she's desperately holding onto her emotions. Spence is of course on board.

A knock on the door breaks up the meeting. I can see through the glass window that it's Hotch.

"Come in, Aaron. We heard about the case," Rossi greets Hotch, who enters as if everything is totally and completely fine. This completely changes when I'm sure that he notices there's the hint of anger and suspicion in the air.

"Before we get started," Hotch states, "Have any of you heard from Emily? She's with her mother and I haven't heard from her in two days. Every time I've tried speaking to her, her mother says that she was asleep and…I just want to make sure that she's ok." It's funny that he says this as each one of us has talked to Emily at least twice in the last two days ago.

"Really, I had no idea that she was with her mother," JJ responds sarcastically. At this moment, I'm pretty sure that the team's agreement to silently block any contact between Hotch and Emily is about to go out the window.

"Yeah, Hotch. When did Emily leave and where is she?" Morgan adds. His fake confused tone is so obvious that I'm trying my hardest to giggle.

"She's with Ambassador Prentiss in Rome. They left within a day after you all had left for the case," Hotch replies.

"Really now? " Derek rubs his chin before continuing, "Well, she probably just wants some time alone and wants to talk to family. Only." Derek's harsh tone on _only_ seems to strike a nerve in Hotch. He flinches and looks away for a moment.

"Let's go, um, get to work," Hotch momentarily stammers. I don't think I've ever heard the man stammer. Ever.

The team hesitantly breaks off into groups, some going to drop off their bags and others going to grab some coffee. I stay back for a second and steal a glance at our Unit Chief. On any other day, Hotch would have been on his way after taking a hit like that. Today, he stands still for a moment and stares at a spot in the ground. It's like he's taking an extra minute to compose himself or planning a punishment for Derek.

Either way, I hope he's feeling guilt and lots of it.

**Thursday, January 19**

It's been 11 days since Emily left for Rome.

And in those 11 days, Hotch has spent almost every waking moment worrying about Emily.

He still acts, or tries to act, like the same old, stoic, no emotion man that he portrays at work, but everyone can see that no contact with Emily is driving him nuts. He still doesn't know that we all are communicating regularly with Emily and with that comes a daily barrage of questions to all of us from him about the woman he basically cornered into leaving the country. Emily still refuses to talk to him and has ignored 25 calls from Hotch since she left. Hotch's only way to get updates on her is through Ambassador Prentiss, who continuously assures Hotch that everything's fine. In all honestly, our dear, possibly crazy, Unit Chief is about two seconds from dropping everything and flying to Rome.

This morning, I sneak into the bullpen to find JJ, Spencer, and Derek gathered around their desks and staring at Hotch's office. His door is locked and the blinds are closed.

"Has he left his office since he got in?" I ask in curiosity.

Derek is sitting on Spencer's chair, toying with a bobble head that I bought for Spencer last summer. "The better question is- did he actually leave the building last night?"

Spencer shrugs at the question. "I left early so I don't know. Hey, has anyone talked to Emily today?"

JJ scoots off her desk and points to the cellphone on her desk. "I called her on my way up from lunch. According to Ambassador Prentiss, Emily's still refusing to leave the house or really even her room. Her mother thinks that Em actually seems to be more down whenever one of us isn't there."

"Dave should be landing in Rome within a few hours," Morgan says, "Maybe he'll make a difference." Rossi is the second one of us to fly to go see Emily. I went first and spent the weekend chatting away with Emily about everything unrelated to the issues between her and Hotch. She cried when I had brought pictures from the funeral for both of her friends that she had lost overseas, which had been taken by Rossi and Spencer. When I had left, Emily was still physically sick as a dog and overall, still miserable.

"She comes back on the 30th. Guys, if Em isn't emotionally up to par, she might get fired or even worse, Strauss will break up the team because she'll find out what happened with Hotch and Em and-"

JJ grabs my shoulders and exclaims, "Calm down, Penelope! One step at a time. We'll get her through this, ok?"

"Ok….ok."

_Easier said than done, JJ. So much easier. _


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: For those who celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, have a happy Thanksgiving! For those who don't celebrate out of choice or live outside of the States, have a happy Thursday!**

**A/N 2: This is back to Prentiss' voice.**

**Friday, January 20- Ambasciata degli Stati Uniti D'America/ U.S Embassy- Rome**

I've been away from home for almost two weeks now.

Like I had planned, I spent every day of the last two weeks inside the small condo. Even when Penelope had flown up, I had somehow convinced her into us just hanging out. I'm sure that she reported back to the team how I look and feel- tired, miserable, skinnier than I had been before I left, quiet, dark circle around my eyes- the list could go on forever. It's what happens to a girl who spends her days mourning the loss of her two closest friends, dealing with what was finally diagnosed by an Italian doctor as bronchitis, feeling guilty for worrying her friends, suffering through horrid nightmares, and trying to not think about Aaron.

Today is my first day of therapy. My mother was pulled away for work during my first week, allowing me to push off the topic until she had come back. Two arguments later, I'm sitting in the foyer of the US embassy while waiting to meet with the on-call therapist. My mother is sitting across from with her eyes glued to an Italian fashion magazine and the team member to visit me this week- Dave- is sitting to the left of me. He's drumming his fingers against his thigh as he whistles, no doubt to keep his mind off the fact nerves he must be feeling as the family of a loved one needing help. I've seen happen many times in our line of work- an individual goes to get help and their family can't help to wonder questions such as _Is this the right thing? Could I have done something more? What if this doesn't work?_

**Buzz!**

My eyes travel down to the phone where I can see the small alert box that tells me that Aaron is trying to call me. Dave leans over and peers at my screen.

"How many times does this make it?" he asks. I sigh while clicking the end button and placing my phone in my pocket. It's hard to ignore someone who calls you twice a day. At first, it was easy to click the _end_ button and toss my phone to the side as if Aaron's insane number of phone calls were nothing. A week later, I'm actually starting to feel guilty for not picking up. Me! I mean, he's the one that betrays me and calls my mom, looks at me with those warm brown eyes…..

I need to stop.

"This makes number 28," I reply. "Dave, I don't know if I can handle not answering Aaron anymore-"

"Emily, stop." Dave tells me the same thing that Derek told me the previous week, "Don't feel guilty. Aaron doesn't deserve to talk to you, bella."

"Thanks, Dave-"

Suddenly, a small woman with a thick Italian accent sticks her head outside of the oak door that the three of us are sitting around. "Agent Emily Prentiss?" the woman calls out.

I stand up, masking my nervousness with a fake smile. "That would be me."

The woman steps out of her office and extends her hand out to me. She reminds me of an old librarian that spends her days shooing everyone to be quiet. The woman shakes my hand quickly and beckons me inside of her office. "My name is Neha Clarence. Please come on in."

"So tell me about yourself," Neha asks once we're settled in her office. My mother has gone for a walk to communicate with her contacts in D.C for work. Dave, on the other hand, has chosen to stay in the office to 'avoid meeting any relatives.'

"Alright…wait- this isn't standard for someone you'll be meeting once," I say. Neha smiles at me with her glasses sliding down her nose. She pushes it back and replies, "Ambassador Prentiss didn't tell you? This is my last week as the on call therapist for the Embassy. I'll be returning back to Virginia to work with a small practice, which means you and I will be able to continue our talks. So, Emily, tell me about yourself."

"Fine. My name is Emily Ann Prentiss and I'm an agent with the FBI under the Behavioral Analysis Unit-"

Neha cuts me off which is something that I expect to happen a lot in our future. "So you analyze behavior? That's fascinating- takes up a lot of time, doesn't it?"

"Yes, ma am."

"Are you close with your co-workers? They must be like family to you."

I raise a finger at the same time Aaron's face pops into my head. It also occurs to me that most therapist or psychiatrists usually don't head down the co-worker road on their third evaluation question.

"How much did my mother tell you?" I ask Neha out of curiosity. She shrugs her shoulder and replies, "Your mother gave an indication of the things that's been eating at you. I'm sorry for the loss of both of your friends and your health. We'll deal with those effectively and at a good pace.

"And Agent Hotchner?" I know that my mother still thinks that I have nothing more than a silly little crush on Aaron.

Neha turns over a few pages from her notebook before looking up to me in confusion. "Who's Agent Hotchner?"

Heartbroken, I decide to let it go. "He's no one."

**Sunday, January 22- Dulles Airport, Washington D.C**

An attack on American citizens in Rome forces me to fly home early.

After 14 days away from life, I'm home. I was sent home the day after Dave had left as a safety precaution to 'protect a high ranking official's family'. My mother has chosen to stay in the city to help the investigation into the attacks. She was actually in tears when I left, which makes me slowly begin to realize that my overbearing mother isn't half bad.

When I arrive from an easy and smooth mid-day flight, the team is waiting in the terminal with balloons, colorful signs, and presents to welcome me back to D.C. Surprisingly, Will, Henry, Jack and Beth are also waiting in the terminal for me. Beth's presence is disturbing, but I think she's there more to support Aaron.

"Hi guys, "I greet. Penny, Derek, and Spencer run up to me and pull me into a large group hug.

"It's been too long, Em," Morgan whispers in my ear. Spencer doesn't say anything; his eyes tell me that all he cares about is that I'm alive and here. Penny is whimpering, "Oh, Em! Don't ever scare us or leave us like that again!"

Next up, JJ, Will, and Henry come up to me. Henry holds out a colored piece of construction paper and says something that sounds like, "I yuv you, Aunt-y Em."

"Oh, I love you too, Henry." I wipe away tears that are free flowing like waterfall from my face.

"Why are crying?" He asks.

"I'm crying because I'm happy to home," I reply. Will leans over, kisses me on the cheek and says, "You any need anything or just someone to talk to, just let me know."

"Thank you," I say with a weak smile.

"We missed you," JJ says. I hug her before my eyes land on Aaron, Beth, and Jack. Aaron looks like hell, much, much, much worse than what Dave had described to me- his eyes are dark, he's tiny and miserable looking- basically, he looks just like me. Beth is gripping onto Aaron's arm, nervously as if she's expecting me to jump at her. Jack doesn't waste a second before running up to me.

"Auntie Emily, you came back!" Jack exclaims at the top of his lungs. He jumps into my arms and squeezes me tight, his little arms going around my neck. While I was away, Dave was the one who delicately explained my leave to Jack.

"Hey, Jack. I'm so sorry I had to leave without saying anything," I tell him. He nods and hugs me again, this time a little too tight around my neck. From her spot next to Aaron, Beth calls out, "Be careful, Jack!"

Jack slides out my arms and stares at Beth oddly for a minute. He then turns to me and asks a question that I never expect to hear from him,

"Did you leave 'cause of my dad?"


	14. Chapter 14

I'm shocked.

Jack is only seven years old and yet he just asked a question I'd expect from a teenager or an adult. While I was in Rome, the team, minus Aaron, had explained to Jack that I had to go to Rome to spend time with my mother and had to 'leave quickly to catch the right plane'. No one knows what his father had told him, which in all truth doesn't matter. Right now, Jack is standing in front of me, expecting an answer.

"Oh! Um…" I stammer. Behind me, no one says anything, much to my dismay. Aaron opens and closes his mouth, unsure what to say. It's the most shocked I've ever seen him.

"Did you leave 'cause of my dad?" Jack repeats when I don't give an answer.

Beth places a hand on Jack's cheek and asks, " Sweetie, what makes you think that?"

"On the day that Auntie Emily left, I was walking to the bathroom when I saw her slap my dad," Jack states. "And when Auntie Emily had the nightmare, she wouldn't let my dad hold her and I heard her say that she didn't think that my dad likes her-"

I'm past speechless on how to respond to this.

I really should just say that Aaron's behavior towards me was a big factor in me leaving, but I don't want destroy Jack's perception of his father. Aaron is the boy's superhero and it's something that should be kept that way. I start to think of the best thing to say, but Will steps in to help.

He kneels in front of Jack. "Jack, your auntie has been having some problems in her life and needed a break. She lost some friends, she's been sick, and there's a grown up problem going on between your dad and her. Emily slapped your daddy because she got so mad at something mean your daddy did. And about your auntie saying that your daddy didn't care about her….sometimes when people are fighting, one person gets so mad that they wonder if their friend is really their friend at all."

Jack nods at Will's explanation and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. For a brief moment, we think that the problem is solved. That moment ends when Jack asks,

"Is that why everyone else got to talk to Auntie Emily and my dad didn't?"

Everyone reacts in similar ways to Jack's question. Penelope's hands fly to her mouth, Spencer's gaze falls to the ground, Rossi and JJ exchange shocked looks, and Morgan tenses up. Beth lets out a loud gasp and Aaron takes a step back from his son and looks up to us, heartbroken.

"It was just me you shut out," Aaron says faintly to me. None of us know if our Unit Chief is going to scream, yell, or just plain lose it. Will takes this in account and makes a quick decision. He picks up Henry in one arm and takes Jack's hand in the other.

"Jack, I'm going to get you and Henry some food and then you can ask as many questions as you want, okay? Let's let Emily, your uncles, and your dad talk," Will states before walking the boys away from the group.

And then out of left field, Beth explodes.

She doesn't look over her shoulder to check if Jack, Will, and Henry are out of earshot before yelling, mainly towards me, "Are you telling me that my fiancée was worrying out of his mind about Emily's welfare and you all had contact with her the entire time?"

I step forward. "It was my decision, Beth. I asked everyone to keep him out of the loop."

"Why?" Aaron stammers. He takes a step towards me and like before, I take a step back. I don't trust him to come near with me. Aaron catches this and exclaims, "Why on earth would you do that? I was concerned-"

"Are you asking me on your behalf, Aaron, or mine?"

"There's no need to be defensive-"

I'm now pissed and standing inches away from Aaron. Two weeks away from his as-of-late irrational reasoning wasn't long enough for me to build a tolerance to it. "I have _every _right to be defensive! Throughout this entire process, you keep treating me like I'm just business!

"Look-"

"You don't get to ask me why I shut you out!" I don't care that people in the airport are beginning to stare at us. "You are hurting me every time you look and talk to me! I love you and I'm sorry if that comes as if that's some kind of inconvenient for you, but you're making me question every good thing that I've known about you."

"If everything is so hard for you, why don't you just leave the team?" Beth replies. She takes a breath and calms down. "Maybe if you leave, things can get better for you. It might even get better between you and Aaron."

In ways, Beth has a point. I've given the same advice to say many people- if something is hurting you, get away from it. Leaving the team would be logical because it would get me away from Aaron and my currently ruined reputation as a rational, strong agent.

But I'm too stubborn to walk away.

I had to fight like hell to get to even get onto this team. I'm not going to walk away from my family just because of one person's behavior.

"Emily's not going to leave the team," Derek suddenly says as if he's reading my mind. "I have known Aaron for almost 10 years, Beth. He's one of the strongest, most caring people that I've ever met. I know that you love him and are so excited to marry him, but you don't know him like we do. And if we think something's wrong, something's really wrong."

Derek takes my hand and continues to speak, "We're all supporting Emily because she needs to be loved and cared for. If that makes us bad friends to Hotch, then so be it."

Aaron steps forward to Derek. "Morgan, I'm fine-"

Derek sighs and turns to Aaron. "I don't want to hear _I'm fine. _ Something is seriously wrong with you, man- I don't know if it's medical, some deep psychological problem or just a plain burn out. But if you keep hurting Emily, you will lose this team because neither I nor the rest of the team will stick around for this. Got it?"

At this moment, Derek's ultimatum sparks a miserable thought in my head. If I leave the team either by force or voluntarily, the team will follow me.

And if that were to happen, I'd be the sole cause of breaking up the team, essentially- my family.


	15. Chapter 15

**Monday, January 23- Fairfax, **

Today is my second day of therapy.

My therapist Neha meets me early in the morning at Journey West Medical Center in Fairfax. Her office is small and overly bright and shiny for a therapist office. The walls are covered in a pink hue and flowers serve as top and bottom borders. Neha has little trinkets of ballerinas on her desk along with a picture of a little girl that I assume to be her daughter.

"How are you, Emily?" Neha asks when I first arrive to my session. I see as she asks me this question, she takes a moment to examine how skinny I've become. Because of the bronchitis and my misery, I had lost 10 pounds, pushing me to skin and bones. I had been able to hide this in the past by wearing my now too big work clothes. However, my teammates must have figured out my method because when I had returned to my apartment the previous night, I had found that Penelope had taken all of my clothes and replaced them with clothes that really accentuate how tiny I've become.

"I'm ok," I answer from my spot on the couch across from her. Neha nods and starts scribbling notes onto her small notepad. After three minutes of hearing only the scratch of her pen against the pad, I ask, "What are we talking about today?"

"You tell me," Neha replies, looking up from her pad. I'm torn between keeping things focused on just the death of James and Daniel or talk about the ever growing problems between Aaron and me.

"Well, I came home to a little controversy last night that didn't allow me to sleep very well," I state, deciding to just go for it and tell her everything. I decide to start with last night's incident in the airport as it ended very awkwardly.

After threatening Aaron, Derek had taken me home without even waiting for a response or comeback from Aaron. Derek had stayed for an hour or so at my apartment just to talk about life and help me settle down for a sleepless night.

"And?" Neha pushes up her glasses, eager to listen.

"Ok, before I go into this, I have to tell you that there's a big looming problem at work that's making things really bad for me. Do you remember when I brought up an Agent Aaron Hotchner?"

"Yes."

"Well, he's my boss and I had the stupid idea of falling in love with him," I say, feeling oddly happy to get that out in the air with my therapist. Now, hopefully, Neha can give me advice to get over losing Aaron to Beth.

"And the problem is….." Neha's tone reminds me of Penelope's when she's really into a love story.

"In December, my friend Spencer had blurted out that I loved Aaron in front of the team and….Aaron's now fiancée," I continue on, " Aaron had and still is treating me like I'm a business deal gone bad. The first thing he had said to me the next day was _I need to know if this will have an effect on the team_. Then he ignored me for a week. The only reason he spoke to me after the week of silence was because he had heard me talking with a friend about how crappy that was. Even then, he said his concern was first priority on the team."

Neha narrows her eyes at me. "He sounds like an asshole."

I quickly think back to the week after Doyle had been killed and Aaron and I had spent a day with Jack in the park. We had walked up and down the park trail joking and talking while keeping an eye on Jack, who was riding his bike. The memory makes me smile and I say, "Aaron used to be good. He used to not be this way; no one knows why he's changed, why his behavior's all over the place….wait, are you as a therapist allowed to curse?"

"Eh, my room may be rainbows and lollipops," Neha laughs, "but my personality is a lot like yours. That's at least why your mother told me. You say that his behavior is all over the place?"

"Yeah….when I had found out about James' death, I had a panic attack at an airport and took off for a flight to Washington. He put me on leave and then stayed home from a case with me long enough for him to call my mother and ship me to Rome. This is the same man who told me that he doesn't trust me professionally or personally after saying that after I've walked out angrily from 3 conversation that he thought that I'd do suicide. This is also the same man who according to my friend Derek spent the entire period that I was away bugging everyone within a twenty five mile radius to see if I was ok."

"Why would he be bugging people?"

"Because I told everyone not to tell anyone anything about me to him. When I came home last night, Aaron found out that I had cut only him off, his fiancée cursed the team out, and she suggested that I leave the team. The team responded to that statement with a threat to leave the team- that'd be five people." When I finish talking, I lick my lips because my mouth his dry. It's hard to ramble the way I just did; I make a mental reminder to ask Spencer how he does it later.

"Wow," Neha gasps. She scribbles a few more notes onto her pad before placing it on her desk. "It seems to me like Aaron is the source of your problems."

I slowly shake my head no, but Neha ignores me. "You love him and that's ok. It sounds like to me that for this issue to be solved, you both need to seriously need to talk about it. In therapy. Threats, ultimatums, and acting out won't solve anything. So here' what we're going to do. I'm a woman of action and I like nipping problems right in the bud. So I want you to bring him to your next session."

I'm beyond flabbergasted. How the hell does this woman expect me to bring a man who I'm not even sure likes me anymore to my therapy session?

Neha smiles and I swear the woman reads my mind. "You'll find a way, Emily. And don't you dare think I'm going to let this go if he can't make next week. So, good luck- I won't see you before you go back to work so good luck with that and I'll see you next week. With Aaron "

And like that, the sessions over and I leave, hating my therapist just a little bit.

**My apartment- Washington D.C**

I make it to my empty apartment with the intentions of grabbing some ice cream and watching a sad romantic movie, but then my door bell rings. I walk over to the front door, praying that it isn't Penelope and JJ trying to get me to leave my apartment during my lunch break or Spencer standing nervously in the doorway or even Derek and Dave showing up just to say hi.

It's none of them; actually, it's Beth, who I find at my doorstep.

She's gripping her black shoulder purse like it's a life support. We both stand in silence for a minute until Beth finally stammers, "Hi, Emily."

"Beth, what are you doing here?" I ask, confused as less than 12 hours ago she was yelling at me.

"I thought that you and I should have some time to talk, you know, without Aaron and the team here," Beth states, "Call it a one-on-one girl talk."

"Now's not a really good time," I tell her, but she doesn't buy it. Beth puts her hand on the door to stop me from closing it on her face. She swallows hard and I can see that something's up.

"Trust me," Beth tells me, "now is a good time."


	16. Chapter 16

I have absolutely no idea to react to Beth's visit.

A part of me wants to kick her out because in all truth, she has no reason to come visit me at my apartment. She definitely doesn't have the right to come since I hadn't given her my address in the first place. On the other hand, a teeny tiny part of me wants to do the courteous thing and hear her out.

"What is it?" I ask harshly. Beth twitches at my tone before saying, "We need to finish talking about a possibly transfer-"

"Again, I'm not leaving the team-"

Beth holds up a hand. "Please, Emily, hear me out. May I sit down?"

Reluctantly, I point her over to my couch. As Beth walks over and sits down, I'm contemplating whether I should call Aaron to curse him out for siccing his fiancée on me or to call the team for backup. Beth catches my pondering expression and states, "Aaron didn't send me. I just wanted to talk by myself. Cou-could you come sit with me so we can talk face-to-face?"

I realize that I'm still standing on the other side of the room at the door. I walk over to the couch chair across from Beth, but I don't sit down. Beth huffs quietly, giving up on thinking that this would be easy.

"How did you get my apartment number?" I ask. Beth pulls out a small black address book, the same that serial killer George Foyet had used to send a message to Aaron two years earlier.

"I looked it up in his address book. He keeps it in the dresser in our bedroom. Let's not play around this- Emily, Aaron cares about you so much-"

"Don't," I cross my arms and nod my head in disbelief, "I'm tired of hearing of the same thing when his actions and words prove otherwise, Beth! If this is what you came to talk to me about, you can just leave right now."

I don't wait for a response from her and start heading back for my door. Beth shoots off the couch and calls after me, "Emily, wait! Just listen to me!"

I stop in my tracks and growl, "Fine. Talk."

Beth swallows hard and says, "I want you to seriously think about a transfer off of this team. This isn't just about your mental health; this affects Aaron and the rest of the team as well. If you leave and go somewhere that's still close like DC, you can still be able to be with the team and soon, you can start being friends with Aaron. It's this crush-"

Right now, Beth has officially pissed me off. I turn to her and give her the same angry, _don't mess with me _glare that I use at work. "I'm going to tell you two things that are wrong with what you just said and then you're going to get out my apartment. First, you keep talking about how this affects everyone, but the only endgame that you keep bringing up gives only Aaron the happily ever after crap that only exists in fairytales. Secondly, stopping acting like this is some little crush and I'm the nerd with the freckles and glasses that has a dumb crush on the jock, ok? Now get out."

Beth stares at me with her mouth open for just a second, as she tries to react to what I just said. She soon stands down and quietly walks out of my apartment. There's no last word or a longing stare- Beth just leaves. I don't even turn to see her walk out the door.

**Tuesday January 24**

The next morning, I'm sitting on the couch with JJ and Spencer in the conference room. Being alone at home with nothing to do all of yesterday had driven me crazy, so this morning I believe a visit with friends may do me good. I also come to visit because I want to reveal what happened between Beth and me.

"You should have seen it, Em, it was amazing!" Spencer rambles along in my ear, not realizing that I'm not really hearing a word he says. I'm trying my hardest to figure out the best way to bring up a topic that could spark world war 3 between my team. I'm so deeply concentrated on this that I don't notice Derek, Aaron, and Dave walk into the room.

Aaron sits down at the round table and hands each team member, not me of course, a folder to review the Harlow West Case from last month. The man doesn't look directly at me, but I can tell that he's struggling badly not to. I'm about to stand up to leave when Derek calls out, "What's going on with you, Emily?"

I'm nervous- My knees are pulled up to my chest while I'm sitting on the couch. I know that opening my mouth will spur all types of chaos, but because I'm tired of all of this, I say, "Beth came to visit me yesterday. She wanted to push for me leaving the team for Aaron's sake."

Silence follows and it seems like a machete wouldn't even be sharp enough to cut through the high level of tension in the room. It feels like a wire on a bomb was cut and it's the millisecond where you don't know whether you've saved the day or just severely screwed yourself over.

"I'm done," Derek suddenly says. He walks over to the round table and places what I recognize to be a team transfer request sheet on the table. Aaron looks down at the paper in disbelief before looking up to Derek. Derek only shakes his head before walking out the door.

Then, the domino effect begins.

JJ walks up to the table with her own transfer request papers. She doesn't say a word to Aaron; she just shoots him a glare before walking out of the room. Spence and Penelope are next and without a word, place their own transfer request form on the table. Like Aaron, I'm surprised that everyone had their forms with them in the first place. Dave gives Aaron an empathetic squeeze on the shoulder before placing his own form on the table. It's like he can't say _I'm sorry that it had to come to this _out loud.

Aaron doesn't say or do anything as this happens. He's staring at the table in complete, utter disbelief. If it wasn't for the shocked gasps of air I can hear from him, I wouldn't even be sure if he was breathing. I hover back as Dave, Penelope, and Spencer walk out of the room. Aaron sits back in his chair and looks up to me with puppy eyes. The innocence in his eyes pisses me off- the man should have seen this coming from a mile away.

I turn on my heels and walk out of the room before something suddenly dawns on me. For a transfer request sheet to be complete, it needs to be signed by the agent making the request. I remember seeing every transfer form that was set down on the table and how none of them were signed. This move is a bluff, a hell of a bluff that sounds like Dave's doing.

I hope to hell that it doesn't backfire.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. It took me three re-writes to get this chapter right. **

Much to my surprise, the bluff works faster than expected.

When the team had walked out on Aaron, they had all headed to Dave's office except for me. I had walked over to my desk to grab some of the paperwork that accumulated during my medical leave. After that, I walked over to Strauss' office to grab the Return to Duty forms that I need completed for my first day back to work. The meeting with Strauss went better than expected; the Section Chief is now under the influence that my leave was due to my seemingly forever present bronchitis and not to an emotional breakdown.

Now I'm standing in front of the bullpen, looking left and right for my teammates. Everything in the bullpen looks normal except for two things. The first is that Dave is standing at the doorway of the conference room as if he's guarding it. The usually relaxed Dave is staring into the conference room with such sadness when I walk into the bullpen. The second thing is that Penelope, JJ, Spencer, and Derek are gathered around Dave's open office door. By the look on Penelope and Spencer's faces, I can read that they're waiting to hear about something bad.

I'm at Dave's office door in less than a minute. "What happened?" I ask. Jennifer rubs her hands together and steals another glance over to the conference room door. Dave is on his cellphone now, still keeping a tight eye on the conference room doorway. Now is when I realize that I have no idea where Aaron is.

Penelope answers first in the form of a sniffle. "Hotch is all dark and twisty like you and-and- that's another person on our team to go crazy! I can't handle anymore breakdowns!"

Derek begins to rub Penelope's back to stop her from joining Aaron and I in the emotional breakdown club. "Easy, Momma. Hotch and Emily are going to need everyone to be strong for them."

"Everyone stop!" I exclaim, not loud enough for other agents in the bullpen to hear. I'm confused as hell- in my mind, there's no way that a simple bluff could cause so much change in the fifteen minute period that I wasn't in the bullpen. However, I take the looks on my team mate's faces as proof and dart up to the conference room to see for myself.

I find Aaron sitting exactly where he had been sitting when the team had walked out except that he's staring down his service weapon that's placed on the table and he's in tears. As expected, I feel no empathy towards the man- I only feel suspicion. I don't know if Aaron truly feels sorry for his actions against me or if his tears are totally unrelated.

"Emily?" I suddenly hear from Dave, who's still standing at the doorway, "Why don't you head home while we try to figure out how to deal with Aaron?"

I don't respond. I'm too busy staring at Aaron while my suspicion slowly turns to anger. Aaron knows that I'm standing in the room, but he doesn't look me in the eye. In fact, Aaron is sitting so still and quiet that I get the urge to check to see if he's even still breathing.

"Head on home, Em," Dave suggests. He walks up to my side and states, "Don't worry about anything here. One of us will call you and explain everything that's going to happen, ok?"

I'm still staring at Aaron when I reply, " Fine."

As I'm turning to head for the door, I hear very quietly from Aaron, " I'm sorry."

I don't believe him.

Later that evening, I'm half asleep on my couch when I finally hear from Dave.

I had spent the day watching _The Breakfast Club_ and walking around the local mall. The desire to go shopping had come out of nowhere and surprisingly, I had decided to just run with it. It's a big step for me as it's been months since I've left the house to do anything besides go to work and grocery shop. I hear from Dave an hour after I return from the mall. He doesn't call like I had expected him to; he rings my doorbell.

I place the glass of wine that's in my hand on the living room table before I walk over to open the door. Again, my expectations aren't met- Dave isn't with the team, he's standing with Aaron. Aaron's eyes are red, his shoulders are drooping, and he's standing behind Dave like a child does when they're about to meet a stranger.

" Hey, Emily," Dave greets, " Can we come in?"

"Why are you here?" I say directly to Aaron. I'm still not 100% sure of what happened with him today, but I sure as hell don't want to talk to him.

Aaron quietly says, " I wanted to come speak with you. I asked Dave to come for support."

"Fine. Come in," I say before walking over to the couch. Dave chooses to sit on the arm of my living room chair while Aaron sits on my couch in the same spot his fiancée had sat the day before. I choose to sit across from him.

Aaron looks me in the eyes and inhales deeply. "Today after the team had given me the transfer forms, I finally broke down from some personal demons that I've been struggling with. I can't sleep without having nightmares, I…" Aaron pauses for a moment which makes me antsy.

After exchanging a quick look with Dave, Aaron continues, "We've both been through a lot these past few years and…..what I'm trying to say is that, I'm so sorry for everything that I've done to you. Everything. I've lost control of my behavior and it's screwed me over so bad. I'm losing my friends, I'm losing Jack, who hates his father right now, and I'm losing one of the most important people in my life- you."

Aaron's words quickly dawn on me. He's struggling emotionally just like me- with the death of Haley Hotchner and the incident with Doyle, a breakdown is understandable. However, that doesn't excuse the two months of asshole like behavior towards me. I know that I should respond in some way, especially since I know what his next words are going to be, but I don't. In all honesty, I can't.

Aaron leans forward, his hands cupped together. "You are so important to me, Emily. I've known that for years now and I never knew how to deal with it. I-"

Something in me snaps and I hold up a hand to cut Aaron off. I'm angry about so many things- his apology, the expectation in his eyes of me forgiving him, even how he gets support so quickly. I know what the next three words that are going to come out of his mouth. It'll be the same three that I've said to him multiple times in the past two months.

_I love you._

With my anger, confusion, and hurt, I say the only thing that I feel is the best response.

"Please leave."


	18. Chapter 18

"Please leave."

Aaron stares at me, completely dumbfounded. It takes a minute for him to process what just happened.

"I- oh, ok," Aaron stammers so quietly that I can barely hear him. He stands and turns back to Dave, who's still standing behind the couch. Dave is once more too relaxed for my liking at a time like this.

"Why don't I meet you at the car, Aaron?" Dave suggests to Aaron, who's looking very disheveled at the moment. The Unit Chief nods, gives me one more sad look, and then disappears out into the hallway. I watch Dave sit down in the exact same spot that Aaron had just occupied.

"So he's just as crazy as me, huh?" I sadly chuckle.

"You both aren't crazy," Dave states in a matter of fact tone, "You both are just going through a rough time. Aaron's been carrying around his wife's death, lying about your safety, and some really dark things that he saw while overseas."

I roll my eyes, which Dave ignores. " I'm not excusing his behavior," Dave says, " I just- he loves you, Emily. Hell, he loves this team and now that he's finally opened up to us, he's ready to get help. Aaron's stepped down as Unit Chief and will be getting the same loving attention that you get. You'll see tomorrow- things are going to change."

I blink before looking at Dave in confusion. " Tomorrow? What do you mean?"

Dave smiles at me as he stands and walks to the door. " We're going to need a full team again. Consider your medical leave over."

**Wednesday, January 25**

Dave wasn't lying when he said things were changing.

It's an amazing feeling walking into work after three weeks off. I'm a busy body as an old elementary teacher once said, which means no work makes for a very bored and irritable Emily. It was still hard to get up this morning as a huge part of me doesn't want to ever leave my bed. Now as I'm standing in a black cuff top shirt and black dress pants with my back length hair in a bun at the entrance of the bullpen, I'm ready to get back to work.

Before I can get started, I see the changes that have occurred on the team. Dave is in charge, mainly because Derek, as good as a leader as he is, is more likely to be effected by the problems Aaron and I are dealing with. Our desks are different as well- my desk is now across from Agent Jules from the B squad. My old desk is taken up by none other than Aaron. JJ has taken Aaron' s office because Dave feels that Aaron shouldn't be cooped up in the large office of his.

And if the man is in the same place as me, I don't blame Dave for having concerns.

Penelope is the first to greet me in the bullpen with her trademarked plate of triple chocolate peanut butter M&M cookies, which leaves you with such a sweet taste in your mouth that lasts for days. Penn quickly hugs me before dragging me back towards her office. Inside, JJ blows a party horn and throws streamers in the air when she sees me.

"JJ, what is this?" I ask while brushing streamers off of my shoulders. She hugs me, pulls back, and says, "I don't know- call it a mini welcome back party. Rossi's against the idea because he wants to-"

"Accommodate for Aaron," I finish for her. I shift my weight onto my right foot and cross my arms. " So he gets to still work?"

Penelope takes a bite of my cookies and answers, "Yeah…..he was a complete mess yesterday, especially after you shut him down at the mini meeting at your apartment…"

I know I shouldn't be surprised that the team already knows what happened last night, but oddly, I still am.

"…and then we told Jack what was going on and he told Hotch that he hated him for being so mean to you and for his mom not being there- basically, we no trustie the both of you to be alone."

Something suddenly clicks in my head- my teammates continuously put Aaron and I in the same category and it insults me. I don't really want to have anything to do with him at the moment until things settle down. Aaron and I haven't gone through the same thing- his happy little life that he has with Beth can't compare to being in Paris, on the run on your own.

_Knock. Knock. _Someone knocks on the door and the three of us look up to see Aaron. He's wearing a blue dress shirt and dress pants without his trademark suit. It's a little weird- no, change that- it's a lot weird.

"We have a case. Dave wants us in the conference room," Aaron states. He hesitantly looks at me for a split second before walking away. Penelope raises an eyebrow and asks, " That's- is this going to be awkward for you, Em?"

"You mean it already hasn't?" I mutter, believing that the awkwardness is just getting started.

* * *

Five minutes later, we're all sitting in the conference room, ready to hear about our latest case.

"First, welcome back Emily!" Penelope pipes from her spot in front of the computer. She lightly claps her hand before adding, "Before we go into the case of creepy cases, I want to say that I love all of you so much. Always…..Even when you do stuff like lose my eraser. That means you, Doctor Reid."

I lean back in my chair and admire Penelope's actions. She's trying so hard to be bright and shiny for us- it's something that I know has been helping me even get up in the mornings.

"Don't forget that, ok? Anyone has any dark and twisty thoughts, you come to me and I will brighten you back up!" Penelope turns around to the flat screen where she pulls up case file pictures.

"So, we are going to Helena, Montana for a….let's call it weird case of funky proportions. Six weeks ago, Tommy Coulder was found hanging in his garage which the Helena Police called a suicide. Yesterday, Lilah Opain was found hanging in her bedroom in the exact same way as Mr. Coulder."

A suicide? I glance over to Dave, who's watching Aaron and I like a hawk. I think he's trying to catch our reactions to working a case like this.

"Why are we being called in?" Derek asks Penelope. Our perky little analyst pulls up pictures of both crime scenes. "Well, Mon Cherie," Penelope says, " It turns out that both victims had already been choked to death by some lunatic before they were hung."

I blank out the rest of the meeting unintentionally because I'm staring at the second victim, Lilah Opain. She looks just like me- long jet black hair, long eyelashes, and a goofy smile. It's a little haunting to see that, but I don't believe that it'll render me useless for the case.

"Emily, you with us?"

Dave's calling me. I glance over to the clock and see that it's been ten minutes since I had spaced out during the meeting. Everyone except for Aaron is staring at me worriedly. Aaron is keeping his eyes on the tablet, although I don't think that he's really reading or looking at anything.

"Yeah, I'm- sorry, just spaced out a little bit. What's going on?" I stammer, sitting up straight in my chair.

" I said that we need to talk about the changes that's going to happen on active cases," Dave repeats. He stands tall in front of us. "First, both Aaron and Emily will be coming on our cases; however, neither will be allowed to be alone for anything at all. Second, I don't want the two of you talking or working with each other."

As little time as possible with Aaron- this pops in my head as a major win. I nod at Dave, trying hard not to smile. No time with Aaron should give me time to deal with myself before I go running after this man again.

But as all good things eventually go sour, I realize that spending time away from Aaron is only going to delay the problem and possibly, make things worse.


	19. Chapter 19

**Helena Police Department**

We arrive at the police station in Helena within four hours.

The police station is a much smaller building than I had imagined – it has one floor with a small wheelchair accessible ramp in front. Unlike back in Quantico, it's snowing lightly here when we pull up in front of the station. It sets a better mood for the team than the mood we all had on the flight- no one said more than a few words to each other that didn't relate to the case. I don't know if it's out of respect for Aaron and me or because no one wanted to talk. Either way, it made for a very awkward flight.

The Chief, a middle age man with red hair meets us in the front lobby. He greets us, "Welcome to Helena! Sorry about the snow."

"It's alright," Dave replies, on behalf of the team. "I'm Agent Rossi and these are Agents Jareau, Prentiss, Hotchner, Morgan, Reid and out technical analyst Penelope Garcia," he says, pointing to each of us.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Chief Alex Nader and I'll be helping you all during this case." Nader suddenly pauses when he hears what I recognize to be lightening. Penelope's eyes widens as she whispers to me, "Is that thunder snow?"

"Sure is," Chief Nader replies as if Penelope was talking to him, "There's a big winter storm about five miles out from the city, which leaves us with a little problem. I can get you to the homes of both victims, which unfortunately is up near the mountains. The storm's looking to be a nasty one and will probably stop all movement from here up to where the victims had died. So, I can either get you guys up to a cabin up in the mountains by the crime scenes now or you guys are going to have to wait a few days before the storm passes and the roads are cleared."

Dave furrows his brow in disbelief at Chief Nader. "So you're saying that to solve this case, we either have to be stuck up in the mountains or stuck down here."

"The cabins are fully stocked with food, heat, generators- the only thing we don't have up there is Wi-Fi. You'd be able to talk to everyone down here easily. I know it's not ideal, but once this storm hits, no one is leaving town, not even the killer."

Dave sighs loudly at the Chief's suggestion. He walks over to the window and observes the snowflakes that are falling from the sky. I feel for him; first day as Unit Chief and he already has to make a ridiculously hard decision.

"No crime scene if we stay here or full access with us being snowed in- aye….,"He mutters to himself. Dave turns around and faces us, saying, "We'll split up- JJ, Emily, Aaron, and I will head up to the cabin. Morgan, you and Reid stay with Penelope down here and be our eyes for the town. This is going to be rough, but if no one's up there, we might have more bodies when the storm clears."

Very hesitantly, everyone nods in agreement and we go our separate ways.

**Monty's Bed & Breakfast- 2 miles outside of Black Mountain**

We don't get much work done when we reach the cabin.

The snow storm comes quicker than predicted, grounding us from leaving the cabin. Thankfully, the police department had taken enough pictures and statements for us to work with. JJ and I agree to share a large double bed room on the second floor while Aaron and Dave share a double on the first floor. After we settle into our rooms and discuss the reasoning behind our unsub staging a suicide, Dave has us call it early for the night. His reasoning is that with the storm and the long day we had, we're going to need our sleep.

"How are you feeling?" JJ asks me after Dave dismisses us. We're standing in our room, JJ unpacking her bag while I finger through my briefcase.

"I'm good. It's great to be back at work," I answer, full knowing that JJ isn't talking really talking about work.

"Ok, let me rephrase that," she laughs, "Hotch is here. How do you feel about that?"

"I'm fine, Jennifer. Like Dave said, we won't be in any contact with each other. It's perfect. I mean I don't get why we need to be near each other right now. Neha doesn't seem to get it and-" I stop myself when I realize that I've said too much.

"Neha? As in your therapist?" JJ exclaims, "What doesn't she not get about you and Aaron?" When I don't answer, JJ walks up to my face and uses the same voice she uses on Henry. "Emily….."

"Fine. My therapist wants me to do my sessions with Aaron," I say cautiously.

JJ pauses before glaring at me. "And you said that you'll think about it, right?"

"No, JJ," I plop down on the couch that's across the room. JJ follows me and watches me carefully as I sigh and say, "I'm not ready to forgive him. Everyone is acting like his struggles give him an automatic bye out of this."

"We don't think that, sweetie. Em, you're allowed to be mad for as long as you need to be. Just remember- running away from your problems isn't going to make the problems go away," JJ says. I smile before I lean against her shoulder.

"Thanks, JJ," I say and she only smiles in response.

Around midnight, I'm wide awake and heading for the living room. The storm has already passed through the area, dumping what I can assume to be a foot of snow. Even after Chief Nader's assurances that we'd be ok, the cabin is barely holding any heat and now I'm freezing. I plan on curling up under the quilt that's on the couch in the living room with some hot chocolate for an hour or so.

I also expect to be find the living room empty, but instead there's someone standing near the fireplace. It's Aaron, who's watching the fire crackle quietly in the dark room. I notice that he doesn't even realize that I'm there. As quiet as I can, I take a step to the right and accidently step on a squeaky floorboard. Aaron immediately turns around and says, "Emily."

"Sorry, I'm just grabbing some hot chocolate-"

Aaron starts walking towards the stairs. "I'll go and get out of your hair."

When Aaron reaches the stairs, I call out, "Stop," louder than intended. He stops, allowing me time to walk up to him. Up close, I can clearly see that he's trembling even as we're standing in the dark. I decide to bring up the thing that's been bugging me since he had left my apartment the night before.

"What were you going to say before I had cut you off?" I ask hesitantly.

Aaron sighs deeply and cocks his head slightly downward. It's one of the things I had joked with him as that being his tell. "What I was going to say was that I love you. I don't ever expect you to ever forgive me or even want to be in the same room as me. My emotional inabilities have lost me the trust of my friends, my son, who stays with his aunt and told me that he hates me, and you. What I'm trying to say is that I understand that you hate me- I would…in all honesty, I even hate myself."

Not knowing what to say, I stand there quietly and let him continue.

"I'll respectfully give you your space, Emily," Aaron finishes. He then gently kisses my forehead; I'm in such shock that I'm not even sure that I can breathe. Aaron then gives me a nod and walks back to his bedroom, leaving me to wonder, _What the hell just happened?_


	20. Chapter 20

**Thursday, January 26- ****Monty's Bed & Breakfast**

"Emily?"

"Emily?"

"Huh?" I respond when I finally hear JJ calling my name. I'm standing on the porch of our cabin, staring out at the beautiful snow covered landscape in front of us. It's early in the morning and we're about to walk across the field to walk to Lilah Opain's home to get a sense of her personality and anything that could have put her on our unsub's radar. Dave and Aaron are inside Skyping with the rest of the team down in the city,

"Where's your head, Emily?" JJ asks me when she steps next to me.

I sigh and nod my head. "It's here. Sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep."

"I see," JJ says, "Was that before or after you snuck in and out of a room last night. Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere, Jen." I don't say another word and start trudging through the snow. The conversation between Aaron and me is something that I'm not ready to share, especially since it's so fresh and the only thing that's been running through my mind since last night.

His words are sticking in my brain-_ I understand that you hate me- I would…in all honesty, I even hate myself._

His words make me realize that my friends have every right to put Aaron and me in the same category. We're miserable, self-hating, and battling demons that have been building up for years. I don't like being on the same level as him, but I know that I can't be angry with anyone who doesn't think otherwise.

When I reach the cabin, I glance back to see JJ trudging through the snow. She's only a little smaller than me and yet the blonde is struggling in lifting her leg out of the giant snow holes I had left. I know that I can't do much to help her so I step inside of Lilah's home. Her home reminds me of a home on sale- the couch is covered with a blanket that doesn't have a crease, the bookcase doesn't have a bit of dust, the floors are spotless and the besides the snow on the outside of each window, the window's spotless.

One thing in particular catches my attention- on the glass table next to the couch, there's a picture of Lilah in a long silver gown. With Lilah and I looking a lot like each other, the picture reminds me of the one I took at the Graduate's ball last December. It had been taken twelve minutes before Spencer blurted out that I was in love with Aaron. The photo is also the last good photo that I've taken since.

While admiring the photo, I don't hear the front door open and the strong breeze of snow and cold air enter the cabin. JJ shakes off the snow from her jacket, mumbling, "Brrrr…."

Jennifer then steps in line with me again, this time seeing the picture of Lilah, currently in my hands.

"She isn't you. Lilah didn't commit suicide, Em. She was murdered," JJ says softly. She's 100% right- before Dave had decided to send us to the cabin; the coroner had called up to tell us that Lilah Opain was for sure murdered.

"I know."

"I'm just checking. While we're on the subject, have you ever-"

_Suicide? _"No, JJ, I haven't," I reply truthfully. I don't say how I've had really rough days where I don't want to get up, sleep, eat, or even breathe. There's only a certain amount of broken that I can dish out to the team a day.

"Good…good," JJ's shoulders rise and fall as she takes in a big breath. "That's really good because you're going to be happy again with Aaron someday."

I smirk and slip on my crime scene gloves. Although we're up in a scarcely covered area, it'd be nice to get back in our cabin sometime soon. "What makes you think it'll be with Aaron," I ask out of curiosity. Her statement is something more that Penelope would say.

JJ puts her gloves on and replies in a matter-of-fact tone, "Because I know the both of you. You probably haven't seen it yet, but when Hotch sees you, his eyes light up the same way it did with Haley. It's just like how you stare longingly at Hotch all day. You two are meant to be together, I just know it."

That evening, Dave calls Aaron and me to the living room.

He's sitting in the armchair across from Aaron who's sitting on the couch. JJ's quietly pacing behind Dave as if she's nervous about something. When I enter the room, JJ immediately stops in her tracks and greets, "Hey, Emily. Have a seat."

"Why?" I reply suspiciously. Dave points to the spot on the couch and repeats "Have a seat."

Hesitantly, I sit next to Aaron. He tenses up down and scoots over to give me more than enough space for me to sit. I'm tense as well- besides last night, it's the first time in months that we've been physically close to each other since early December.

"First thing first," Dave states, "A quick reminder that I love you both and this is a safe place."

If it wasn't for the mystery behind this meeting, I would laugh. In four years, I have never once seen Dave be so…._shrink like. _

"This morning, "Dave continues, "Jennifer brought up something quite interesting that we need to act on. Emily, your therapist said that she wanted you and Aaron to do joint therapy sessions, right?"

Aaron turns to me, eyes wide to where I can see hurt and guilt mixed in his eyes. In response, I shoot JJ a glare and reply, "Yes."

"And the problem is?"

"Dave, if Emily isn't comfortable with me going to her sessions, that's fine. She needs time," Aaron says shakily. There's absolutely no confidence in his voice.

"I understand that, but I'm really insisting that you both consider that. Not just for your sake, but for your family's sakes as well," Dave states.

I sigh in defeat. "Can I at least think about it?"

Dave and JJ both nod in response. I glance over to Aaron to see his reaction. His world famous poker face is back, stopping me from seeing if he's really interested in this or not.

**Saturday, January 29, 2012- Helena Police Department**

Three days later, the roads are clear enough for us to make our way down the mountain. It turns out that our trip up there was completely useless as Derek, Spencer, and Penelope arrested the unsub, who had held up a drug store with a gun to get supplies to kill his next victim. Luckily, the unsub was the only one to be killed.

When we walk into the police department, Penelope is chatting happily with Derek as if nothing bad had happened. Spencer is having trouble working the water machine, which makes me laugh. Dave walks in casually, stopping for a moment to smirk at Spencer before placing his briefcase on the conference table next to Derek. Aaron and I stay awkwardly by the front door, which is where I begin to realize that I want to be with them. I'm not talking about physical- I want to be emotionally with the team.

I miss being happy.

"Aaron?"

He quickly turns his head to me but doesn't say a word.

"I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday morning at 9:30. You should come ten minutes early since you'll be considered to be a new patient," I say, "Neha's unique and will probably ask you a lot of questions. I want you to come."

"What changed your mind?"

"I want to be happy again. We should be over there with the team laughing, smiling- being our old selves again." I smile at our team's energy and life. "I want to be strong and a badass again. Will you come?"

Aaron replies with determination, "I'll be there."


	21. Chapter 21

**Monday, January 31, 2012- Quantico**

Two days after returning from Helena, Aaron and I have our first therapy session together.

Over the weekend, I had time to get my worries out before the therapy. I had a dream the night before that was weird- Aaron and I were dancing around the same banquet hall that the Graduate's ball had been in last December. The dream went perfectly well until the very end where Aaron and everyone else at the ball all of a suddenly leave me. I took it as a possible omen of things not working out the way that I want it to go.

That morning, I arrive at therapy twenty minutes early out of nervousness. I had to check in with Dave before returning to the familiar psych office on the other side of the city. Neha's secretary greets me as usual- she's a skinny blonde woman that quietly judges every patient that walks to door. Behind a fake smile, she always gives me the _Oh-she's –a- crazy- broken- hearted- jealous- woman_ look in her eyes every time I walk in for a session.

I'm signing in when Aaron walks into the office. Neha's secretary suddenly sits up straight and fixes her hair. The sight of him and the secretary's behavior here makes me a whole lot less anxious than I was before. Aaron signs in and gives me a warm smile.

"Emily, good morning," He greets me. We don't get to sit down as Neha opens her door to allow a patient to walk out of her office room. Neha quickly walks the patient over to the front door before turning to us.

"Aaron, it's a pleasure to finally meet you," Neha greets Aaron and they shake hands. "I'm so glad that you've agreed to start sessions here."

"Me too," Aaron replies, "Thank you for having me."

"Of course." Neha takes note of the discomfort on my face and decides to ignore it. She beckons us into her office where Aaron and I sit a large dark blue couch and Neha sits in her chair. Like I had, Aaron observes the trinkets on Neha's desk and the bright and warm colors that are coming from the walls. Neha brushes down her skirt after sitting down.

"So to start off- tell me a little about yourself," Neha says to Aaron.

"Well, I've worked with Emily for almost seven years now and it's been wonderful," Aaron says with a smile. Neha scribbles something down and then places the pad on her desk.

"Aaron, you're a profiler which means you can read people's behavior, right?"

Aaron's smile falters. "Yes."

"And as a psychiatrist, I'm also able to read people's behavior. So with us both having the ability to read people and see when they're scared, nervous, lying, or hiding behind something, what do you think I'm going to say about your response to my question?"

Aaron sighs and mutters, "That my response was too….professional. A better response would be that I've ….."

Aaron trails off and glances towards the window. It's weird seeing him like this, at a loss for words. Neha takes her pad and starts scribbling down more notes. When she's done, she looks up at us and asks, "How did you two meet?"

The question gets two different reactions from us- Aaron shifts uncomfortably in his seat and I scoff. Neha's eyes flicker between us as she comments, "I'm guessing it didn't go well."

I smile and say, "Well, our first meeting was _interesting_. How can I say this..."

"I was an ass to you," Aaron finishes for me. He flashes his puppy eyes at me, "I'm so sorry for that."

"How was he an ass?" Neha asks me.

"He didn't want me on the team. On my first day, I showed up, he said that there was a mistake in me being put on the team, left without letting me on to go on a case and then still didn't really want me on the team after he came back." I think back to feeling like an unwanted child on my first day official day working at the BAU. "He and an older senior member Jason Gideon didn't make me feel wanted for a while."

Neha looks me straight in the eye. "So when did you feel like he trusted you?"

**October 2007**

I'm sitting at the Hilton Sky Bar in Chicago, Illinois. I'm alone, swirling a cup of scotch to drown the outcomes of the crappy case that the team- sorry, the remains of our team has just finished. Our team of Aaron, Spencer, Derek, JJ, and I had barely made it in catching the UNSUB that's been setting off explosives throughout downtown Chicago all week.

I'm blaming myself for the last explosion where twelve people had been critically injured. It didn't need to happen- I had suggested to Aaron that we go to the press and shut down the public's perception of this man being unstoppable. Aaron, who wanted to spend time just polishing the profile, had chosen to reprimand me for questioning his judgment. Two hours later, the UNSUB called in to a news station and decided to live up to his name of being Chicago's first bomber by blowing up a car on LaSalle Street.

"May I join you?"

I look up from my drink to see Aaron standing next to me. He's still in his suit and tie and looks like hell. As I'm in the middle of my fourth glass of scotch, I feel like telling him off for not even considering my suggestion.

"JJ said that you were really upset over the case so I came to check on you," Aaron states.

I reply harshly, "I've been upset over many cases and you've never checked on me before. What makes this any different?"

Aaron sits down and orders a scotch from the bartender. When he gets his drink, the Unit Chief turns to me and says, "Ok. Let me hear it."

"Hear what?"

"You were right, Emily, and I was wrong. It's been a hell of a few months and I know I haven't really been a good person to you. So, I want to hear everything that you're feeling."

I push my drink away and turn to him. "Fine. You trust JJ, Spencer, Penelope, and Derek with your life. If they had my suggestion about the case, you probably would have listened instead of cutting me off! It's been a year, Hotch- what is your problem with me?"

"I don't trust people very well," Aaron says, "And you can ask the others if you don't believe me. It's something that I've struggled with in the past and I'm sorry that I hurt you. Can we start over?"

I see a genuine look of apology on his face. "I guess."

Aaron extends his hand out to me. I stare at his hand suspiciously before asking him, "What are you doing?"

"Starting over. Hi, my name is Aaron Hotchner."

I chuckle and shake his hand. "Emily Prentiss. It's a pleasure to meet you."

**Present Day**

"I should have stepped up, "Aaron says when I finish telling the story. Neha, who had been jotting down notes on the story, places her pad on the table again.

"Now, now, now," Neha interrupts. "Our goal isn't to figure out who was at fault. Our goal is to work together at rebuilding the trust between you both, ok?"

Aaron and I both nod in agreement.

Neha smiles. "Good. So for next week, we're going to talk about the support systems in your lives. I know that your team and Ambassador Prentiss will be involved. Anyone else?"

I expect Aaron to mention only Jessica, his sister in law, but then he brings up someone I didn't expect.

"My sister in law, my fiancée-"

"Your what?" I exclaim in disbelief. "You and Beth are still together?"


	22. Chapter 22

"Emily, I know that you're mad, but you have talk to me."

Aaron and I are riding the elevator up to our floor at the BAU. I hadn't said a word to him after he had called Beth his fiancée. My reaction was simple- I thanked Neha for the session and then walked out of the room without a word. What followed was twenty minutes of Aaron calling after me all the way to the parking lot at the doctor's office and then from the parking lot in front of the Bureau to the elevator.

Aaron's standing behind me with his briefcase in hand. My hands are crossed in front of me and my lips are pursued. After a minute of dead silence, I finally decide to give Aaron a chance to defend himself.

"I'm not mad," I say, "I'm confused- curious, actually to why you had referred to Beth as your fiancée. Especially since you said you are so adamant- so determined to win my heart and my trust. And there's also the thing where you said that you loved me."

"I do. Look," Aaron gently pulls me back to where he's standing, "It's been a hectic five days since I crashed and I told her that I couldn't marry her-"

"But?" I can already tell that there's a _but_ because of Aaron's tell. He's tense in arms and his expression, which means he has some bad news.

"She thinks….that I couldn't marry her because of my health. Beth doesn't know that it's because of you. She's so worried about me and Jack that I couldn't tell her."

The elevator doors open in front of us to our floor. We slowly step out, me trying my hardest to wrap my mind around what was just said.

Beth is still in the picture.

And the worst part is that I'm not even really sure how.

I turn and face Aaron, who's wearing his guilt on his sleeve, his face, and any other place that a man can show his guilt. It's like he's expecting me to scream at him or slap him in front of our co-workers. Instead, I calmly say, "So what you're saying is that you only cut off the engagement, but never officially ended your relationship?"

"Emily, everything's done between Beth and me-"

I step closer to Aaron and lower my voice. "When you officially figure things out with her, let me know and only then we can continue therapy. In the meantime, leave me alone."

* * *

At noon, JJ and Penelope pull me aside to go out for lunch. It doesn't take them and the rest of the team long to figure out that something happened in therapy. Derek had spent the morning shooting glares at Aaron and worrying looks at me and Spencer and Dave chose to stay out of it. The girls decide that lunch at our favorite café twenty minutes from work is the best time to bug me about therapy.

The second we sit at our table, Penelope leans forward across the table and exclaims, "What happened at therapy?"

"Can I at least order some food? I'm starving. " I ask.

JJ pulls the menus close to her and nods her head no. "Nope, get to it. You looked a little homicidal getting off the elevator this morning. What happened?"

I sigh in exhaustion, mainly because I know that an answer is standing between me and lunch. "Alright, here's what happened. We did basic introductions, talked about our first meeting, and the first time we trusted each other. Then, Aaron referred to Beth as his fiancée and claims that he told her that he couldn't marry her because of his health. She doesn't know that it's because of me- oh, and they still live together."

Both women gasp in unison. Penelope leans further over the table to where she's inches away from being on my side. "So there's a chance that they're still together?!" Penelope exclaims so loudly that waiters start to stare at us.

"I don't know. All I know is that Beth doesn't that the break up was because of me me."

JJ gives me a very empathetic smile. "Well, there is one way to check for sure," she places her phone in front of me, "Call her."

**Aaron's home**

Derek is standing next to me when I knock on the door. He looks over to me worriedly while we wait for Beth to answer the door. Beth had answered my call during lunch and asked that I come by after work to talk alone. Because I'm not one hundred percent sure on how this will go, I bring Derek for support.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks me.

"I'm sure." I hear the fumble of the door locks and muster up a smile. Beth opens the door, wearing a flower dress and an apron. She greets me in an unusually less than bright tone, "Emily, I'm glad you called. Hi, Derek."

Derek nods. "Nice to see you, Beth. Where are the boys?"

"Oh, they're building Legos at the Rec center for a school contest. Jack didn't really want Aaron to come with, but I kind of pushed him into it. He's still mad at his father," Beth finishes. The three of us exchange looks before Derek says, "I'm going to grab something from the vending machine downstairs. I'll be back in a few."

"Ok," I reply. When he's gone, Beth sits down on the couch in the living room and takes in a deep breath. She looks exhausted and emotionally, a little fried.

"Did Aaron tell you what happened in therapy today?" I ask from my spot by the door.

"Yes. Aaron referred to me as his fiancée by accident, which upset you. You also want to know what exactly my relationship with Aaron is now that the engagement is off," Beth says with her gaze at her hands in her lap.

"So what is it?" I ask hesitantly. I brace myself to hear anything from _We're still together_ to _We hate each other dearly._

Beth looks back up to me with tear filled eyes. " We aren't together anymore, Emily. He told me that he couldn't marry me because of his health, but…I know it's because of you. There's always been something between you two, from what I've heard. God- I should have seen it, but I was too busy falling so madly in love with a man who's in love with you even more."

"I'm so sorry, Beth," I say. When Beth scoffs, I add, " You hate me and that's understandable."

Beth chuckles sadly. "I should hate you since he left me, but I can't afford to be. I want to help Aaron and Jack, which is why I'm still living here. That's probably why he called me his fiancée- everything's pretty much the same as before and old habits are hard to get rid of. I should hate you deeply, but I need to help the boys first."

I'm finally beginning to see what Beth Clemmons actually is like- she's strong, independent, and is fighter. She hides behind her bright personality to avoid being hurt, like today. "Beth, you're so strong," I say.

"Not as much as you are. Dave told me what you went through- running for your life, faking your death. I wish I could be even remotely as strong as you. And maybe that's what Aaron needs in his life- someone like you."


	23. Chapter 23

**Tuesday, February 1**

"Ok, girlie- get up!"

Penelope's perky voice draws me out of my daydream about a quiet, calm, non- running for your life trip to Paris. We're both in the bullpen- Penelope's hovering over my shoulder as I'm sitting at my desk. It's the next morning after my visit with Beth and I know for a fact that Penelope wants a play-by-play of what happened.

"I'm surprised you made it to noon without harassing me about it," I joke while I stand up. Penelope puts both hands on her hip and smirks at me. She's wearing bright orange and pink today along with a very distracting orange bow. She looks adorable today.

"Well, under Captain Italian Steed's reign, I have to wait at least a little bit before I come in and dazzle everyone with my awesomeness."

"Rossi called you a distraction?"

Penelope shrugs and turns on her heels with a grip on my arm. "Yes and I'm ok with that. Let's go have a chit chat!" She drags me into her office in warp speed, closes the door, and turns to me with hands on her hips, saying, "Spill it."

I cup my hands together and sigh. " Well, I went over there with Derek while Aaron and Jack were at a school function. Basically, Beth was sad over losing Aaron, but then not mad at me because she wants to stay and help Aaron out with Jack. She also called me strong from Dave telling her everything that's happened in the past year and that Aaron and I deserve to be together."

Penelope cocks her head in disbelief. " And that- my unsub ass kicking profiler friend of mine- seemed normal to you?"

"No- not even close, but….I don't know," I run my hands through my hair, " This is starting to get so confusing. Beth should be homicidally pissed at me and I….I shouldn't feel so all over the place."

Penelope walks up to me, worried. " What do you mean?"

"Beth had said that we deserve to be together, but do we? It took years for me to get these feelings and an ultimatum for Aaron to admit his. What does that say about us? And on top of that, he looks so guilty and sick and I've been such a crazy bitch-"

"First," Penelope says, cutting me off, "You are not a crazy bitch. You have had your heart string ripped all over the place during the last few months, ok? Second, if you didn't have the feeling deep down that says that you and Aaron didn't belong together, you wouldn't be doing therapy or visiting his possibly crazy ex at his house or even having this conversation."

I'm smiling, feeling a little better. " I should apologize to him or something-"

"The only thing you can do, Em, is at least let him know that you know about the situation with Beth and that therapy is back on," Penelope says.

"Penny-"

"No buts! Now go have a chat with Hotch." Our TA sits down on the chair at her desk and waves me away with a devious smile. I don't put up any kind of a fight and walk out of the room. I'm back in the bullpen a few minutes later and can see Aaron sitting alone at his desk. Ever since he had been kicked out of his office, Aaron hasn't been seen anywhere else other than his desk.

"Hi," I say softly when I reach his desk.

Aaron's eyes widen before he looks up to me confused. "Emily?"

"I spoke to Beth last night," I say. The night before, I had left an hour before Aaron had come home with Jack. I'm glad I had because crossing paths with him then would have made this meeting 10 times more awkward.

"I know- she said that it went as she had expected."

" As expected? She was too calm about things, Aaron. She pretty much gave us her blessing to be together. Doesn't that bother you?"

Aaron leans back in his chair, which I've never seen him do before. "It does, but I need all the help I can with Jack. Plus, I don't think I can be alone in my apartment right now," Aaron says. He stops talking when JJ suddenly appears by my side. Jennifer suspiciously looks to me before asking, " Everything ok over here?"

"Don't you mean to say _why are you two talking to each other?_" I ask.

"That too. What's going on?"

"I just wanted to let Aaron know that…" I pause because I'm not 100% sure that I want to say. Beth's behavior is bothering me deeply- no normal woman on the planet gives away her ex without some kind of deeply resentful feelings. Aaron's willingness to let her stay doesn't help my feelings either. However, I know that obsessing about this and not getting the help I need won't do me any good.

"I wanted to tell him that we'll be continuing therapy again," I finish. I'm uneasy as I say this because my gut is telling me that things are about to take a turn for the worse.


	24. Chapter 24

**Monday, February 6- 948 miles from Las Vegas, Nevada**

Today, we're heading to Las Vegas for an unusual case.

The team is heading to Las Vegas to profile a team of robbers that have been breaking into safes and burning the money inside in casinos all over the city. There are 7 dead bodies and $12 million dollars in cash burnt to ashes and the team of robbers have been doing this for only a week. As Dave wanted us in the city as soon as we could after receiving the call, we're on an overnight flight where everyone is asleep except me.

I sit at my favorite spot near the window and watch lightning light up the stormy sky. I'm not the best flier during stormy weather as many people aren't. As I take a quick peek over at a sleeping Spencer, who's curled up on a couch, I think back to the past five days.

The last five days had been unusual for me- first, my suspicion on Beth's reaction was correct. She had, after driving Aaron to work, walked him up the doors of our building and rode the elevator up to our floor every morning. She had also waited until the bullpen to give Aaron a hug or kiss on the cheek and say, "Remember to take one step at a time, ok?" The worst part was that Beth always made sure to greet the closest person standing near the group, which for some reason was always me.

I'm not angry with Aaron because I know that he's attempted to get Beth to stop doing it. For Aaron and me, our relationship has slowly begun to change since our conversation about his relationship with Beth. I've found myself saying goodnight or good morning to Aaron a few nights this week.

"Mmmmnnn…."

Aaron jolts awake twenty minutes later from his spot in the chair behind me. I look over my headrest to see that there's sweat on his forehead and that he's a little out of it. Aaron glances up to me with a bit of embarrassment in his eyes and says, "Sorry about that."

"You had a nightmare?" I ask, well knowing the answer. Aaron nods and sits up in his chair, his hand shooting up to his neck. I imagine that he's still out of it and subconsciously thinks that he needs to loosen the non-existing tie around his neck. A grin appears at my face when I realize that I miss Aaron's suits and that they are a part of thing that made me so attracted to him in the first place.

"Emily?"

My grin immediately disappears and I say, " Sorry. I wasn't smiling over the fact that you had a nightmare. It's just that I realize that I miss the suits on you."

"Really?" Aaron replies with a sense of pride sparkling in his eyes. "I usually hear that I wear them too much."

"I like them. Although, I would like to know how many suits and ties you own- I'm putting my money on somewhere in the high thirties."

Aaron chuckles. "You really think I have thirty suits?"

"Ok, I lied- I'm guessing 50, 60 suits?" We both break out into laughter, which surprisingly doesn't wake up anyone else on the jet. Aaron's laughter soon dies down and he nervously and asks, "Are we really doing this? Are we really having a normal conversation?"

"I think we are," I answer quietly. I slide out of my sit and plop down in the chair next to Aaron. I can now hear Dave and Jennifer, who are both sleeping behind Aaron, and their very loud snoring.

"What was your nightmare about?" I ask softly.

Aaron looks forward and states, "It was about my trip to Pakistan. I had to walk into this small, dusty village to meet with some tribal leaders to discuss a possible resolution on a border issue. Everyone in the village had looked so weak and lifeless- seeing the villagers motivated me to help secure better access to food. I'll never forget the sight of a little boy Jack's age, starving and crying out for his mom. By the time we were able to even turn our focus our attention on the village, people had fled to even worse conditions…I don't even know what happened to that little boy."

I can see that Aaron is shaken to his core- we've seen our fair share of death in this line of work, but one can never get over seeing people who don't deserve be put in pain and there's nothing that they can do about it.

"It makes me wonder if I could have done more," Aaron finishes. He looks to his lap and then over to me. "Could I have done more?"

"You always give 100%, Aaron. Always. You did everything you possibly could."

"Hmmm," Aaron nods in agreement, "Thank you. I really liked our chat- hopefully we can do it again sometime."

"Me too," I say, meaning every word.


	25. Chapter 25

**Monday, February 6- Flamingo Hotel & Casino**

A few hours after flying into Las Vegas, Aaron and I stand in the front lobby of the Flamingo on the Las Vegas Strip. When we had arrived at the Las Vegas Police Department a few hours earlier, the sheriff had already put into motion a plan to try to get eyes in every hotel in danger of being hit next. Police officers from LVPD and the Henderson Police Department had been sent in plain clothing- undercover in other words- to keep an eye out for anything or anyone suspicious.

And because of the very flirty female sheriff's request to Dave to use some of his agents in a few of the hotel; JJ, Derek, Spencer, myself, and Aaron are spending our first night in Vegas undercover as city residents looking to play a few hours in the casino. JJ and Derek are being sent to the Bellagio hotel, Dave and Penelope are staying at the police station to run surveillance and Spencer is going to the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. The most surprising part of the entire operation is Dave putting Aaron and I together after his no communication rule.

Dave's reasoning was simple- _"I heard you two talking on the flight over here and because of that and how calm things have been between you as of late, I'm putting you two together. Just go in and keep an eye out for any possible individuals that may look like they could be related to the robberies."_

Since we didn't have a choice in the matter, Aaron and I now stand next to each other facing the casino main desk. Aaron is in his dress shirt, black pants, and tie while I'm wearing a blue corset dress.

"You look too business-y," I whisper to Aaron. Without warning, I pull the hem of his shirt out of his pants. "See look?" I say before shaking my wavy black hair from out of the bun, "I actually look casual, unlike you."

Aaron only smiles at me as his eyes scan my body. "You look beautiful," he says softly. My heart flutters at his complement as it's been a long time since someone has complemented me that way.

"Thank you," I simply say before motioning over to the casino area, "Let's get to work. "

We start walking over to the entrance, swerving in and out of crowds of tourists and residents that are ready to gamble. No one gives us a suspicious eye until we get to the actual entrance, where the bouncer stops us.

"Sorry, no cops," the bouncer says, "You guys have been all over town and it's bad for business. Plus, it's a Monday couples' special night."

I don't panic for even a second. My experience in going undercover with Interpol quickly comes to mind and I decide to put it to good use. I wrap my arm around Aaron's waist and fake a giggle. "Oh, do we look like cops? We aren't cops- my husband and I just got out of work, we both had a long day at the office, and we just want a few hours to play craps. Can we do that?" I end sweetly.

"Sorry, ma am," the bouncer steps aside, "It's just that your husband looks like a cop. Go right ahead and have a good time."

"Thank you," I playfully pull Aaron along, taking a quick detour into the poker room.

"Do I really look like a fed all the time?" Aaron asks me when we're out of earshot from the bouncer. I smile and nod, which makes him chuckle.

"I'm that bad?"

"Yes, you're that bad," I reply while sitting down at a random table, "but it's an improvement since I met you."

"Really?"

"A teeny bit improvement," I say and in response, Aaron laughs aloud, looking the happiest I've ever seen him in months.

The rest of the night goes very well- there are no signs of our unsubs at any of the hotels on the Strip. Jennifer and Derek's stakeout resulted in Derek getting 32 phone numbers in a record 30 minutes, Spencer's stakeout led to him being kicked out of his casino early for accidently blurting out two player's hands during a poker tournament, and Aaron and my night resulted in us talking for hours like things had gone back to normal.

I don't know if it's because of the talk on the jet, the casualness of our little undercover operation, or because of my goal to truly be happy again- whatever it is, it brings my guard down long enough to let go of the past few months. Even after the night ends and we go back to our separate hotel rooms, I feel myself developing a small bit of trust towards Aaron.

For the next six days in Las Vegas, everything feels like it's going back to normal.

Of course, until we return home to Quantico.

**Sunday, February 12****th****- Quantico**

"Emily, would you like to go grab some dinner with me?"

Aaron and I are riding the elevator back up to the floor of the BAU on an unusually warm Sunday night. Most of the team had headed home for the night- JJ and Dave had ridden the elevator ten minutes ahead of us to grab a few things from their offices before calling a night.

"Dinner? As in a date?" A date is the last thing I want to think about right now. Aaron almost immediately sees the panic in my eyes and quickly changes his response, "No, not a date. More like a night out for dinner with a friend. I really enjoyed these last six days, Emily, and I really don't want them to end."

For the first time in seven years ago, I truly believe that I am looking at Aaron's version of puppy eyes. I, being a sucker for puppy eyes, say with a smile, "I'd like that," just as the door opens on our floor. We turn to see Beth and Strauss casually talking in the hallway as if they were old friends.

"Beth?" Aaron calls out, "What are you doing here?"

Beth smiles brightly and as if it were nothing, says, "I was just waiting here because I wanted to meet with you and your boss about that pressing matter that you've been dealing with."

_Don't say it, don't say it,_ I beg repeatedly in my head and of course, it doesn't work. Beth turns to Strauss and says ever so sweetly, "I just wanted to see how you were handling Emily's emotional state with her having very deep, romantic feelings for Aaron."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: 3 weeks late- so sorry! Enjoy!**

There's only a few times in my life that I've ever been this homicidally pissed off.

It's not a normal anger- it's an unrelenting, incredibly dangerous, hateful anger that's accompanied with a deep need to shoot something. The last time I felt this angry was at the face-to-face meeting with Doyle where he threatened my family a year prior. Right now, I'm trying to hold myself together as Beth smiles at the two of us with a look of triumph.

"Is it true?" Strauss asks with two hands on her hips. It's her impatient _you need to tell me right now before I fire you _look that she sends to Aaron on a bi-weekly basis. Aaron doesn't respond because he's too busy giving Beth his own trademark pissed off Hotchner glare.

"Whatever Beth told you-"I growl, "She's only doing this out of spite. Agent Hotchner and her broke up almost two weeks ago."

"That doesn't answer my question," Strauss states. In the corner of my eye, I can see JJ and Dave confusedly approach the group from the bullpen.

"Erin, what's going on?" Dave asks when he reaches Strauss' side. He places a hand on her shoulder, which gets him a deep glare from the Section Chief. Strauss brushes his hand away before repeating her earlier question. "Is it true?"

"Tell her, Emily. Why don't you tell her about your emotions regarding Aaron on your leave?" Beth continues to push, "You ran off in the airport because you couldn't control your emotions around Aaron and the nightmares."

I step closer to Beth and exclaim, "Why the hell are you doing this? You said everything was ok- you said Aaron and Jack were your only concerns and that you and I were ok!"

Beth maintains her innocence. "I'm just thinking about what's best for my family. I believe that you and Aaron need to be split up."

"Which I agree with," Strauss adds, "Agent Prentiss, follow me please."

"No, she isn't going anywhere because everything is fine," Dave defends. "If you fire her, you have to let you and I go as well!"

Strauss' jaw drops at Dave's statement. It's shocking that she's in disbelief- on many, many occasions one or more team members have caught her sneaking out of maintenance closets, hotels, and conference room, looking amiss with Dave right behind her. In response, Strauss takes two menacing steps towards Dave before her head suddenly whips in my direction.

"Fine. Agent Prentiss, I have three simple questions for you: first, do you have romantic feelings towards Agent Hotchner?"

"Ma am-"

Strauss doesn't wait for an answer. "Is it true that your paid, month long medical leave was due in part or entirely to Agent Hotchner's inability to love you back?"

I stumble over the word _inability_. Beth's completely wrong version of the story has already clouded Strauss' view.

I realize that nothing I say or do will make her happy and yet, I decide to still fight anyone. "No, it was due to the stress of last year's events-"

Dave suddenly steps in between us, being careful not to bump into any of us. I step back, finding myself in front of Aaron and JJ while Strauss stands her ground. He places his hand on Strauss' shoulder again before saying, "Alright, alright- let's all calm down. It's Sunday night, it's been a long week, and I think a good night's sleep will do everyone good. We don't want to do something that we'll all regret- right, Erin?"

Surprisingly, Strauss backs down. She gives Dave one last angry look before marching off to her office in a huff. It's very unexpected and a relief, but I know that putting Strauss off for a day is the least of my problems.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I scream at Beth when Strauss is out of earshot. Beth holds her ground, completely unaware that I'm not a force to be messed with.

"Emily, I stand by what I did-"

"You stand by what you did? You could have cost me my job!" I take a step towards Beth, but JJ steps in the way. She puts a hand in my shoulder and gives me the look that warns me that kicking her ass isn't an option.

Right now.

"I just wanted to do what was best for Aaron," Beth turns to Aaron, who's staring at the ground. "You understand, don't you?" she asks him.

"You have until tomorrow night to get out of my apartment," Aaron replies in a controlled voice. "You aren't staying there tonight- in the morning, you can come get your stuff and after that, I don't want to hear or see you ever again."

Beth shakes her head in disbelief with a smile. "You don't mean that."

"Don't test that theory."

Dave steps into the argument again in his usual, casual demeanor. He points Beth to the elevators and says, "Beth, you heard the man. You need to leave and before you say anything else, keep in mind that I am not afraid to have security escort you out."

"But Aaron needs me. You don't know what he's like when he has his nightmares. He won't last the night alone with Jack!"

"I'll be fine," Aaron growls, "Now leave."

Beth hesitates, shooting Aaron one last puppy dog look. When she sees that no one is buying it, she lets out a frustrated huff of air before walking to the stairwell instead of the elevators. As she leaves, I can only shake my head in complete disbelief and mutter, "She almost got me fired. That-that little-"

"Emily, don't waste your breath on her," JJ snorts.

"She screwed me over, Jay. I might not have a job tomorrow!" I exclaim. My heart is moving 100 miles a minute- there's no way that after the last two weeks of making huge leaps in recovery that my world could fall apart again. My eyes lock with Aaron and he gives me the warm, empathetic look that I love. It has the makings of all the things you want in a time of crisis wrapped up in one little look.

"Don't worry about Beth or your job," Dave states. He puts two hands on my shoulders and begins to guide me towards the elevator. "I will take care of Erin and your job. In the meantime, you will go home and keep calm so that last two weeks doesn't go down the drain. Now go- that's an order."

I steal one last glance at JJ and Aaron before stepping into the elevator. Strauss suddenly appears in the hallway again, marching towards Dave. The last thing I hear before the doors close is Dave calling out in his usual charming voice, "Erin, you look lovely today…"

**Emily's Home- Midnight**

I'm falling asleep when my doorbell rings.

It takes me a minute to pull myself out of my dozing off, which is disappointing because my nerves had prevented myself from falling asleep for the last five hours. It doesn't help that Dave hasn't called about my job. I know that David Rossi is a man filled with tricks of sorts, but no phone call in my opinion means that something might be up.

As I walk barely conscious from my bed to the front door, I'm rubbing my eyes. When I open the front door and give my eyes one last rub, I see Aaron standing at the door with a sleeping Jack in his arms. Aaron looks terrified and uncomfortable to me- his eyes are what concerns me the most- it's the fearful look of loss of control when Foyet was dangerously close to coming after Haley and Jack.

Before I can say anything, Aaron simply states in a cracking voice, "I couldn't handle it."

"Why me?" I ask. Out of all the people Aaron could possibly go, I'm not sure why he chose someone who's struggling just as much as he is.

"You were the first person that I thought of…..and you're the only person right now that makes me not feel like I'm losing control."

"Me? I should be the last person on your mind when it comes to that."

"But you aren't." Aaron's words feel me with confusion because simply-

I want to let Aaron stay the night.

And in my vulnerable state, I'm scared to know where that could lead to.


	27. Chapter 27

**Sunday, February 12- Emily's Home**

Ten minutes later, Aaron and I are sitting on the floor in front of my couch, both of us completely unsure on what to do next.

Jack is asleep in my guest bedroom, curled between two pillows and completely unaware of the awkward tension between me and his father. It's snowing outside now to where a slight buildup a snowflakes is forming on the window. We both are exhausted, but neither of us knows how to act alone with each other in my apartment.

Aaron is sitting next to me in a blue t-shirt and grey sweatpants. I'm uncomfortable for more than just the fact that Aaron is in my apartment. First, Aaron's blue t-shirt is very tight to where it shows off his very well defined body. It's _very _nice to see, especially since his body is usually hidden under his suits. Secondly, I'm wearing my oversized Washington Redskins long sleeves and my very comfortable and very short shorts.

"You look…umm… good," Aaron complements out of nowhere. I can't help but turn my head to him and chuckle. Never had I imagined big and bad Aaron Hotchner to act like a nervous 7th grader around his crush. I also know that he's complementing to break the tension as I'm still just as tiny, although not as frail, as I was back in early January.

"Thank you- I haven't gained much weight back since….." I trail off, feeling incredibly embarrassed. Turns out that I'm not much better than Aaron. "You look good too."

"Thank you." Aaron scratches his head and sighs, " So where am I going to sleep?"

I turn my body towards Aaron, accidently brushing against his shoulder. He ignores it and listens to me say, " You can sleep on the other couch and I'll sleep on the one behind us. I can-"

I don't have the chance to finish my sentence because out of nowhere, Aaron kisses me.

The kiss is perfect and exactly the way I had expected a kiss from Aaron to be. Aaron places a hand on my cheek and I soon unconsciously place my hand over his as we continue to kiss. I can feel all the fear and pain that I had developed from Aaron fly out the window. There are still hurt emotions that I can feel, but in the midst of the kiss, these emotions are so minimal that it's like they don't exist.

After a minute, Aaron quickly pulls his head back and nervously glances around the room. From the look in his eyes, I can see that he didn't completely think the kiss through ahead of time. I'm in a state of confusion as well when all the emotions of the kiss suddenly disappear and the old emotions return.

"Emily?" Aaron's eyes dart between me and the inches between us. He sits up and stammers, " I-uh-"

"Yeah?" I'm scared that he'll apologize for kissing me.

"So… goodnight?" Aaron watches me slowly nod before bolting to the couch across from where I'm sitting. He pulls the blanket over his body and closes his eyes, no doubt thinking the same thing as me- _What the hell just happened?_

**Monday, February 13th**

I've always felt that Penelope knows way too much about our lives than she should.

There have been times where our perky little analyst has known about problems or surprises in our lives before we've even known it. Till this day, I'm positive that Penelope knew that JJ was pregnant before she did. I don't know how she does it- illegal or not- Penelope just happens to always know when something is up.

Like today.

Aaron and I arrive to work together early after last night's kiss. After Jack came sprinting into the living room excited to go to school for 'Lizard & Snakes' day, Aaron and I quickly got ready for work without saying much to each other. Even after I followed Aaron to Pierson Elementary to drop Jack off at school, we didn't say much to each other. Now that I'm standing quietly next to him in the elevator, I'm pretty sure that Aaron and I won't be saying much to each other today until the elevator doors open and we're standing face-to-face with a suspicious Penelope.

"What did you two do?" Penelope asks in an accusatory voice. Aaron is taken back by her tone, but I'm used the Penelope's nosiness.

"Good morning," I respond. I try to walk past Penelope, but she blocks us from making it more than a few feet away from the elevator doors. She crosses her arms, narrows her eyes, and demands, "Spill it, you two."

"I'm going to go," Aaron says. "I'll see you later, Emily. And good morning to you as well, Penelope." He casually leaves me with Penelope and heads to the bullpen. Penelope's behavior suddenly changes when Aaron's out of earshot- her expression softens and she leans in close squealing, " No seriously, Em. What did you two do? A romantic breakfast? Dinner and a movie? Ooh- kissing…or you slept with him, didn't you?"

I decide to take a page out of Aaron's book and leave Penelope hanging in terms of giving her news about our kiss. " I'll talk to you later, Penny," I call over my shoulder as I begin to walk towards the bullpen.

Penelope doesn't take it well. She follows me, having to nearly jog to keep up with me in her pumps. "Please tell me!"

"Nope."

"Oh, you suck!" Penelope exclaims. She drops her shoulders, turns her heels, and says, " I will find out, mark my words!" before heading back to her 'tech dungeon'. Content with beating Penelope, I walk into the bullpen and up to my desk. I can see the Jennifer and Spencer haven't arrived yet and that not much of the other agents on the other squads have arrived either. Across from my desk, I can see Aaron, who's staring at the pile of paperwork like it's a foreign object. When I place my bag on my desk, his eyes shoot over to me and stare as if I'm also a foreign object.

"Aaron-"

"We need to talk about the kiss," Aaron states faintly. He doesn't get the chance to say anything else as Dave suddenly sticks his head out of his office and quickly scans the bullpen. When he sees us, he says, "Get your go bags ready. We've got a case."

Aaron and I exchange looks before moving into action. The conversation about the kiss will have to wait until later.


	28. Chapter 28

**Brussels, Wisconsin**

The following 36 hours are the hardest in my life.

It starts out after the team quickly discusses the case that will lead us to Brussels, a small town of 1000 people. Prominent couples are being buried alive across the city, all having dirty secrets or marital issues. With the town being so small, the team takes its time in discussing the case in Quantico and on the jet as rumors could possibly spread among the people when we arrive.

Dave also does something very sneaky- he decides that Aaron and I will stay under the radar while in town. He thinks it's best that we mingle in with the locals and need be, lure out the unsub. It's unusual and a bit unnecessary, but Dave's the boss now. Before taking off in the jet, Dave also decides that Aaron and I will get dropped off at the closest airport and drive separately into town. The flight takes only a few hours and before we know it, Aaron and I are driving down a one lane road into Brussels.

"This is ridiculous," Aaron mutters as he pulls the SUV into a parking spot in front of a small motel. It's the furthest hotel-motel away from the police station, chosen to give us the most distance away from the team. "We shouldn't be here- we should be helping at the police station."

I nod, more understanding that this is less about him not being in charge and more about the kiss we shared last night. To try to lighten his mood, I say "In retrospect, Brussels PD did say that they weren't getting any help from the locals. Us mingling in could give us insight that we may need."

What I say doesn't click for Aaron. He begins to ramble, "Dave has the team down two men-"

"Aaron-"

"The unsub is highly organized-"

"Aaron!"

"How are we going to be any use-"

"Aaron!" I finally yell out in annoyance. He stops his ramble and looks over to me, taken aback. Well knowing that I'm about to bring up a topic that is thin ice for the both of us, I continue, "This is about the kiss, isn't it?"

"No- no, it's not." Aaron looks away and shakes his head lightly. "I don't think now is the best time to be talking about the kiss."

I cross my arms and shift my position to where my entire body is facing Aaron. I can immediately tell that he's going into his coping mechanism of being all business by the serious, composed look on his face.

"Don't shut me out," I tell him, "I think the main reason that Dave chose us is because we might be mistaken as a couple with marital issues, just like the victims. In the meantime, we need to check into our hotel and then seriously talk about the kiss."

"Fine. Let's get this going then. I can't have this drag out anymore. Where are we? Emotionally, I mean. Are we any better than three months ago?" Aaron asks.

I pause and think back to the days of my freak-out in the airport and now. I'm shocked at how much I've grown over such a short time of three months. "Of course we are. We don't argue and we don't try to find a way to hurt each other. I liked dropping Jack off at school with you, I like that you trusted me enough to come to my house at midnight. Hanging out with you in Las Vegas was awesome. For the first time in months, I feel like it's the old times again."

Aaron stares at me curiously before asking the question I've been dreading hearing for months. "So do you trust me?"

It's one of the hardest questions that I've ever been asked in my life. I know for sure that I do trust Aaron, but not 100%. It's hurt me so much to say it, but I have to say it, "I don't know, Aaron."

* * *

**A/N 2: For the rest of the chapter, the point of view is from the unsub.**

* * *

**Jeff's Bed, Breakfast, & Bar Motel**

They're perfect.

A couple sits in a black SUV in front of my motel. It's unexpected and yet so perfect; I had only taken and murdered the last couple last week with no intention of grabbing a new one for a few more days. I can sense even from my position behind the check in desk that there's something going on between them just like the other victims. Right now as they sit in the front seat, I can see that the woman has just dropped a bombshell on the man in the driver's seat.

The man nods slowly as if he's trying to comprehend the bombshell of news. He suddenly points inside of the motel before turning off the engine of the SUV. He's a tall, dark haired handsome fellow wearing a blue, button down long sleeves and black dress pants. There's something orderly and official about him, like he's military or some kind of cop.

As the man pulls out a duffel bag from the back seat, the woman steps out- she's a petite woman, donning short, black hair, a red flowing top, and a dark pair of pants.

"Evening," I greet cheerfully when the two finally walk in and up to the front desk. I check my watch and see it to be 10:45 at night. "What brings you two to Brussels so late?"

"Just traveling," the woman says sweetly. She pulls a strand of hair behind her ears. "We should have a room reserved under the name Aaron."

I check the computer and see the name, bright as day. "Ah, I have it right here. And your name, missy?"

"Emily," the woman replies. "Thank you for asking."

I hand the man the keys and watch him pocket them quickly. The shy glances between the two prove that they'll be perfect for my experiment. I can't help, but say, "You two make a cute couple."

Both shift uneasily in their spots, Emily showing guilt all over her face. It makes this meeting even sweeter. "So are you two married?"

"We're complicated," Aaron states.

Complicated? _Perfect. _


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Back to Emily's point of view…**

Saying goodbye to the hotel manager is the last thing that I remember before I suddenly find myself regaining consciousness in a dark room.

I remember walking away from the desk with the odd feeling that something wasn't right with the man at the check in desk. Aaron hadn't said anything as we stepped into our elevator and watched the door close. After that, everything went dark.

I feel the tiniest drop of water fall onto my nose and it makes me flinch. I take this as coming from a squeaky pipe or ceiling without noticing the three major problems occurring at this moment- I'm not in the motel foyer as it's the last thing that I remember, I'm lying on a concrete floor chained to a car battery, and Aaron's missing.

This means only one thing- we've been kidnapped.

I attempt to sit up and fail- my waist is chained to the floor and my arms are chained to the battery above my head. My legs are free to move, which doesn't help me one bit. Unless our kidnapper walks back into the room and stands directly where I can kick him in the groin, I'm screwed.

There's a sudden chuckle that comes from the other side of the room. I lift up my head as far as it can go to see the man Aaron and I spoke to at check-in walking towards me with a small remote in hand. He's young with long brown hair in knots and in the few steps he takes, portrays the textbook example of an unsub wanting revenge. Most likely, he's a loner with parents who probably fought a lot, abused him, and aren't alive or accessible to exact revenge.

Which leaves people like Aaron and I to be surrogates.

"Good morning, Emily," the man says. I can see the name tag Colin pinned on his shirt. He kneels down next to me and gives a toothless grin. It makes me want to vomit. To push past the nausea, I pull out a trick from the FBI hostage negotiator's handbook.

"I know you want to punish couples with problems," I say, " so you can make them pay like your parents-"

"Shut up!" Colin growls. He leans in close and I can smell the retched odor of booze, cigarettes, and what I'm pretty sure is manure on his clothes. When Colin shifts the weight between his legs while kneeling, I can also smell the blood that I can see on his right hand. I don't know if it's because he's really observant or I am really off my game at sneaking glances, but the man catches my dumbfounded expression.

"It's 'cause of Aaron. He said the same thing and it made me mad." Colin closes his bloody hand and massages his knuckles. " He tried to hit me with some psycho mumble jumble like he was some kind of psychologist."

"I understand." At this point in time, I have to assume that Aaron's alive because it will keep me sane and our kidnapper hasn't said anything otherwise. I also know that I have to tread lightly when using my profile skills because this man having two profilers means the same tricks may be used on him more than once, which could piss him off.

"I see. Not saying anything about your boyfriend getting hurt? You sound just like my mother," Colin grumbles. He holds the remote up to where I can see it clearly. "Here's what's going to happen- I need to gauge this relationship, know what it's truly like it before I make a decision on how to deal with you two. I'm going to ask you the same three questions that I gave Aaron. If your answers don't match his, I will give you a jolt from the battery. And then we will go from there."

I don't get much a time to respond before the man shoots out his first question, " You said that your relationship was complicated. Define complicated."

My eyes shoot up to the menacing battery above my head. Complicated is the something that can't be really defined yet between Aaron and I. I am tempted to argue the merit of the question, but the prospects of getting shocked prompts me to lie, "We're together, for the most part."

There's a moment of silence where Colin blankly stares at me before stating, " Aaron said those exact words….humph. Next question- how long have you two been together?"

I'm scared as hell to say anything because that is a much harder question to lie about. I'm unsure whether to use the four months where Aaron and I were at odds, the time since I've joined the team, or to just make up a number. Reluctantly, I randomly say, "We've been together for 6 years."

Colin nods, his finger not wavering from his spot above the button on the remote. "I'm impressed, Emily. Most couples failed at answering this question. Here's my final question- have you done anything vile, morally wrong to say, to get where you two are in your relationship?"

The question makes little sense to me. "No," I stammer, praying that Aaron did the exact same thing.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Aaron had said the opposite because Colin's ugly smile is the last thing I see before he clicks the button and gives me the most painful shock in my life.


	30. Chapter 30

"You may say I'm a dreamer…."

When I regain consciousness, I can hear Aaron softly singing beside me.

I'm not tied to the battery as I was before; I'm now sitting cross legged next to Aaron with both our hands cuffed together. Aaron has snuggled close to me and it takes a second for me to realize why- the room we're in is different than the one I was in before. It's much darker, wet, and very, very cold.

"What are you singing?" I mumble. I don't push myself off of him because his body is oddly warm. Aaron smiles down at me and presses his cheek against mine. Even with my shaky trust issues in Aaron, I don't flinch or question his actions.

"Imagine by John Lennon. It's a classic," Aaron whispers. "It's been keeping my mind off of the cold and the pain. Are you ok?"

I slide my head away from his and see two bloody bruises on his cheeks and a gash on his head. I quickly put together that it came from Colin's reaction to Aaron using 'psycho mumbo jumble'. I lay my head against his shoulder and reply, "I'm ok, I guess. Everything hurts like hell. How long was I out?"

"I have no idea. I woke up here next to you and lost track of time. Last thing I remember is Colin marching into the room and giving me a hell of a shock."

"Ok…ok…..Wait a minute," I close an eye and think about the _warm and comforting_ conversation I had with Colin earlier. "He asked about if we were together, how long, and if anything was done immorally for us to get together. I got the first two questions right and then I said no….and then he shocked me. Did you say yes?"

Aaron pauses and then mumbles, "Yes."

I lean away from Aaron with wide, shocked eyes. "Really?! We're being held hostage and you choose now to go all moral compass?"

"Emily-"

"Don't Emily me! You don't give a kidnapper ammo to torture you!"

"And what would you have me say?" Aaron snaps irritably, " This man prays on couples with issues and even though we aren't together, we fall into that category! We have to give him what he wants to hear or he will continue to punish us and escalate. I know you don't trust me-"

"I never said I didn't," I hiss between a shiver from the cold, "I said that I-"

"So you both are up!" Colin exclaims with delight. He has suddenly appeared at the corner of the room in front of a doorway. It's so dark in the room that we're in that I hadn't even seen the door before and the light that spills from the outside hallway hurts my eyes. Aaron nods at Colin politely and I turn my head away. Colin scoffs at this and walks right up to where Aaron and I are huddled.

"So here is a wool blanket," Collin says as he sits down on the pail, " I need to go up to the motel and make sure that everything looks fine and dandy. Now that means you two will have to sit tight and it gets very cold down here."

"What do you want from us?" I ask, still shivering.

Colin has way too much happiness in our appearance. He takes a minute to examine the blanket and then turns to us. " I need some answers. You both didn't answer the last question the same and I want to know why."

"I hurt her emotionally for almost two months. I was cold, rude, and irrational," Aaron says. Colin nods as if he's taking a moment to digest what Aaron has said. Colin finally turns his focus to me and asks, "So you don't think that's immoral?"

"Aaron and I were- are in somewhat dark places in our lives," I state, watching Colin's facial expression very closely. I'm hesitant to continue because for all I know, this man could turn around just shoot us if he doesn't like our answer. "His behavior was because of his emotional state and mine."

"Wow, that's very telling." Colin looks up to a random spot on the ceiling and ponders what I've said. It's a breathless minute for Aaron and I, much worse than the time Spencer and I were reprimanded by Aaron by him giving us a silent, cold stare for 20 minutes.

"Does that clear things up?" Aaron calls out hesitantly.

Colin pauses and then suddenly shakes his head yes. "It definitely clears things up for me, Aaron. It shows me what the problem is with this relationship- you're abusive! You two are just like every other couple out there- faking your happiness and rubbing it in like smug little bastards!"

"Colin…" I plead. He ignores it and stands up, kicks the pail over, and then seemingly out of nowhere, pulls out a Beretta pistol. Aaron, being Aaron, doesn't even blink at the sight of the gun. I, on the other end, jump in my skin.

"Don't beg like the others did because it's unbecoming," Colin says. His body is twitching while he aims the gun at us, which is telling me that he's losing control.

"Colin, do not shoot us," Aaron tells him calmly, " Killing us will only lead you to find a new couple and then another and then another without you ever finding what you're looking for. Put the gun down."

"SHUT UP!" Colin begins to repeatedly switch his aim between Aaron and I. "Who wants to die first?"


	31. Chapter 31

There are only two times in my life where I have been as scared as I am now.

The first is the Yale kidnapping case from the previous year. A biochemical engineer with a serious beef against the fraternity Beta Upsilon Chi had spent six weeks kidnapping and essentially strapping bombs against his victims to blow them up. The scariest part of the case had been when the unsub had somehow strapped a motion sensing to the gears in both of our SUVs. The case ended with myself, Jennifer, Aaron, and a scared and chatty Spencer sitting petrified in the SUVs and watching two bomb techs send a robot under the car and say, "Oooh, this could be bad."

The second time was when I had stepped into Aaron's apartment after the Reaper had stabbed and took him. There was an untouchable aura about Aaron, a belief that he could not be hurt or touched. Seeing that belief being violated as I stood in his empty, bloody apartment was unbelievable.

Right now, I'm sitting handcuffed, injured, and face-to-face with an unsub that's slowly sliding into unstable territory puts this moment in my top five _oh how I wish I had my gun_ moments.

"I asked you both a question!" Colin snaps at us. When I glance over to Aaron, Colin exclaims, "Guess that makes you the winner, Aaron!"

"I did not say that!" I yell back at Colin. "Colin, let's talk about this-"

"There's nothing to discuss, Emily," Colin says sweetly. He grabs Aaron under the armpit and yanks him forward to force him onto his knees. Aaron's quiet during this, no doubt using his world famous no fear stare down to try to intimate Colin. I'm pulled forward since my handcuffs are connected to Aaron's; however, I don't quite make it onto my knees and end up falling onto my side.

Colin takes a step back from Aaron and presses the pistol against his temple. He sees me squirming and states calmly, "If you try and stop me, Emily, I'll kill you. He's an abusive bastard that needs to die."

"If you hurt him," I growl with my entire body shaking," I will kill you."

Colin doesn't even hear me. "Any last words, Aaron?"

"If you shoot him, I will end your life in ways that you don't ever want to know!" I yell. I'm squirming again to try and sit up from the awkward position the handcuffs have put me in. A tear rolls down my cheek as I look over to see Aaron's passive stare at Colin. There's no fear, no worry, no anything on Aaron's face. If we get out of this, I plan on telling him that he's got the best poker face I've ever seen.

Colin pauses and he looks over to me as if he's checking to see if I'm bluffing. I stare him down the best I can over the steady sound of Aaron's breathing.

_Drip. _

I can hear a drop of water echo from somewhere in the room.

_Drip. _

Colin's hand is shaking heavily as it's pressed against Aaron's temple.

_Drip. _

Aaron's voice is soft as he whispers, "It'll be ok, Emily. I love you."

_Drip. _

Colin fires.

* * *

The second I hear the gun go off, I feel all the air in my lungs escape.

I'm supposed to be screaming and crying out at the sound of the gun shot. Instead, my world goes quickly black and turns into a bright blur. The area around me isn't cold or wet; it becomes warm and soft which comes from the feel of a blanket over my back. There's no pain resonating throughout my body, there's no blood and sweat on my shirt, and there's no Colin.

In a few minutes, I realize that I'm under my blanket in a hotel room.

I'm safe and sound.

"Aaron!" I call out in a panic. For all I know, this could be still a part of Colin's torture.

"AARON!"

There's a crash that comes from the other side of the room , a mutter of a curse under a breath, and then a light switch is flickered on. Aaron is sitting up in bed, yawning, "What? What? What is it?"

"You're alive!" I exclaim. Without thinking, I lunge off the edge of the bed and land on the gross carpet below. Aaron, half way through rubbing his eye, stops what he's doing and stares at me in confusion.

"What's wrong with you?" he asks.

"It was a dream," I gasp. I sit against the bed and put my head in my hands, muttering, "It was all just a dream…."

"What was a dream?"

I break out into a ramble. "We got on the jet and then were kidnapped after the case…..the unsub, whose name was Colin – he tortured us and you died-"

"Slow down!" Aaron walks over and slides down next to me. "Where do you think we are?"

"Brussels, Wisconsin. I remember Dave giving us the case, everyone on the jet, and then you and I driving separately…." I trail off at the continuously confused look on Aaron's face. It tells me that I'm not even remotely close to what's actually happening.

"We're just outside of Fairfax in Virginia. There is no case- Dave had me and you drive down to a local prison to interview the unsub who tortured and electrocuted couples named Colin James. We got into a fight before leaving and then we had to stay in a hotel because of the winter storm….none of this is ringing a bell?"

I don't even bother trying to remember- all I think about is how the dream had so many similar details to what actually happened. Reflecting on the dream becomes so emotionally taxing that I lay my head against Aaron's shoulder and whisper, "I watched you die."

Aaron wraps his arms around me and whispers, "But I'm not. I'm ok."

"I I love you. Don't you ever die on me," I tell him tearfully. There is no fight or argument coming from Aaron. He pulls me close and whispers "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

**A/N: One more chapter left**

* * *

**…**


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